The Man I Know I'm Not [Frerard] (Sequel To Tell Me I'm A Bad Man)

Six - 'Cause That's Just The Kind Of Boy That I Am

For the first time in what felt like forever, I was awake before Gerard. The fact that I'd barely slept in the first place made it sort of not count, but that didn't matter. It was too early in the morning to be legal (nine o'clock), and for several minutes, I sat in bed, watching him sleep.

I decided that I wasn't going to let anything that Bert said get to me. The promise ring on my left hand told me all I needed to know. He promised to love me, and never leave me for anyone else. After all, I trusted him.

He looked so innocent when he was sleeping. Maybe 'innocent' wasn't the word. Nothing about Gerard Way was innocent. Not his wicked grin, and not his devilish body.

It was like butter-wouldn't-melt, the way he lay on his left side, his breathing slow and even through his parted lips. His impossibly black hair fanned over his face, making him seem almost vulnerable, and I brushed it back, wanting to see his pale skin and his closed eyes. His right hand was in a loose fist by his chin, his left by his head.

Seeing his own promise ring got me thinking. He just looked so...small. Like any second a bird could carry him away from me. I felt for the first time that this friend, this man, who I had always seen as being better than me, was now something precious to be protected at all costs. Everybody falls down sometimes, everybody is vulnerable. And when Gerard fell, I promised myself that I would be there to catch him. He'd always towered over me, but when he needed to be small, I could be a giant for him.

As if he could feel me watching him, he stirred, his nose scrunching up, his eyes screwing further shut. Then they opened, perfect hazel pools looking sleepily up at me, and he groaned a little.

"How long have you been awake for?" He asked, and I lay back down, wrapping my arms around his waist. He was, for once, clothed, his warm, Gerard-smelling shirt against mine.

"Hours. I barely slept." I admitted.

His facial expression turned to one of worry. "Why? Are you okay?"

I nodded, smiling in reassurance. "I'm fine, yeah; just thinking about the wedding. This time next week, Brendon and Ryan are going to most likely be freaking out and shouting at people...though the shouting will probably be Brendon."

"It'll be fine." He smiled, slipping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer. "Is there anything else on your mind?"

"Not really. Just you." It was true; I always thought about Gerard. Night and day, my thoughts were just, well, him.

He grinned. "I thought so." He kissed my forehead before stretching. "I need to pee, I'll be back."

He climbed out of bed, leaving it cold and empty, and he left the room. I lay back, staring at the ceiling, tracing the odd pattern with my eyes. Maybe I could persuade Gerard to paint it like the night sky. Or go even further and knock a massive hole in the ceiling, right through the attic, so I could see the real night sky.

Then I decided that tomorrow night, we were going to go and lie on a hill and watch the stars, like they do in those cheesy teenage movies. That would be cool. We could take a picnic or something.

I smiled to myself at the thought, raising my head when the door opened and Gerard poked his head around it.

"Bert's making pancakes. You want some?" He asked, and I scoffed.

"He'd probably try and poison me." I replied, and he laughed.

"Yeah, okay then, drama queen. I'll take that as a no then?"