Caspar's Pov**
"I love you."
Joe's smile dropped. He didn't say anything along with me.
Did I really just say that..
Tears clouded my eyes.
I need to leave..
I will not let him see me cry.
After our awkward conversation I finally made it out the door. Giving him one last glance. He smiled.
All I remember after I left is that I went to a bar to clear my mind and forget earlier events. Alfie found me. He took me home. Now i'm in my bed.
I was trying to listen to what Joe and Alfie were sayiing. When I heard something that broke my heart.
"He freaking loves me."
Am I really that bad?
I didn't want to hear anymore.
I walked to the bathroom. Opening the mirror and grabbing a cloth. I unwrapped it slowly.
Hello old friend.
I grabbed the blade. I gently slid my finger down it. Some blood escaped, running down my finger.
I smiled at the sight.
'Caspar, stop! What are you doing!! You can't go back to doing this!!' A voice in my head said.
'What would Joe think?'
What would Joe think..
I don't freaking care.
One cut ; Worthless
Two cuts ; He'll never love you
Three cuts ; He doesn't care
I heard footsteps coming to the bathroom.
There was a knock on the bathroom door.
Joe.
"Caspar I need to talk t you."
"Go away.."
I started to tear up.
"Caspar open the door.."
"Joe.. Please.. Just go away.."
I was sobbing.
"Caspar please.."
He was crying to.. He doesn't even know..
Four cuts ; For hurting the one I love
I cried out in pain as that cut went deeper than the rest.
"Caspar what are you doing! Open the door please!"
He was crying harder.
I ignored him.
Five cuts ; It just felt good
The nob jiggled.
I smirked.
He can't get in.
Six cuts
Just as I was starting the seventh cut the door swung open.
Joe looked horrified.
Tears streamed down his face.
He came over to me and cleaned my cuts. We ddn't talk. He started to cry again.
I looked down, I was ashamed.
"Why..?"
I look at Joe. What did he mean why?
"Why Caspar?"
I didn't answer.
"Caspar. I asked you a freaking question!!"
I flinched at his tone.
I looked into his eyes.
"Why did you do it Cas?"
I started to cry.
He hugged me. Pulling me into his chest. I laid my head on his shoulder. He laid his head on top of mine. Kissing my forehead every now and then.
We were still sat on the bathroom floor.
"Caspar?" Joe finally spoke up.
"Yeah Joe?"
I looked at him.
He looked so hurt.
"Promise me you won't do that again.. Please.."
I frowned.
"I can't.."
"Why not?"
"Joe, it numbs the pain. It's addicting. I can't stop."
He looked as if he were in so much pain.
I leant over and kissed his cheek.
He smiled sadly.
I stood up putting on my best fake smile. I've practiced this smile many times. I know he'll buy it.
He stood up as well and wrapped his arm around my waist.
What is he doing?
He looked at me confused.
He grabbed my hands and wrapped them around his neck.
Then placed his hands back around my waist.
He pulled me to him and snuggled his head in my neck.
I smiled. I just discovered I love Joe's hugs.
He grabbed my arm with the cuts and he looked at them.
He was probably disgusted with me..
He leaned his head down and kissed the cuts. Each scar. One at a time.
He kissed my cheeks, my forehead, and my nose. He kissed all over my face. Avoiding my lips.
I wanted to know how it felt. I wanted to know if my feeling were real.
So I did it. I kissed him.
And I didn't regret it.
