Stokeley
I catch myself thinking about Jahseh more often than I should. I don't even know if I'm straight anymore, it's so weird.
I grew up in a religious place, where being gay was gross, looked down upon or made fun of. Basically if you were gay around where I grew up everyone will give you the side eye. I never found anything wrong with it, I looked at it as just a person not liking the opposite gender, like it was normal. Because it is.
I believe you're destined for one person, that is if you believe in love. Regardless if you being a man and like another man, or vice versa. I believe people are born gay and don't just turn gay. You can't just turn straight, or be gay. You can ignore it, refuse it. But there's no running away from who you are.
"Miles.."
"Yes." He responds over the phone.
"I..about Jahseh, I think about him a lot, and I think about close we've gotten..when I'm around him it isn't us just hanging out. No offense to you or the other but when I see Jahseh, I feel happier when I'm with him, and I've never felt that way with a girl, or with any one else in general."
It goes silent on the other end for a moment until I hear him give a soft chuckle.
"You like him don't you?" He continues.
I sigh deeply and say nothing. I don't even know what to say. At this point in time, I'm just going to accept that I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay.
I'm gay.
"Jahseh has that affect." He says chuckling. Yeah. He sure fucking does. So, this means I am no longer straight.
"Well..What are you trying to do?" He asks.
I shrugged, "I don't know."
"Nigga, what you mean you don't know, tell him!"
"Are you fucking crazy? Then he's gonna know." I say.
Yeah I like Jahseh, but I'm not gonna tell him that. What do you think I am? Bold?
"That's the fucking point, biscuit head." Miles raises his voice over the phone. "Look, you like him? So that means you..want a relationship?" Miles continues.
Honestly, I'm not sure if I want a relationship out of Jahseh, we both just got out of a double cheating scandal. I don't know if he'll be ready for one, or if I will be ready to start my first relationship..with a guy. But before I worry about all of that, he doesn't even know I'm gay. He still thinks I'm the straightest person ever.
"I don't..know?"
"Nigga, can you know for once, and stop not knowing? Stoke if you truly do like Jahseh, I suggest you go and shoot your shot, G. Who knows, he might feel the same way." Miles explains.
"You should tell him, Stoke." Miles says finally.
"I know. I will." I say. I know I have to eventually.
"Good. Whenever you do, we're all here for you." Miles says and hangs up.
Jahseh is spending a lot of time with Kim now that he sorta lives with him for the past few days. It makes me feel some type of way that he isn't really talking to me as much and kind of envy Kimetrius as he's getting more attention from Jahseh than I am.
But I know it's for the best and it's just to help Kim out. But I can't help but think about the time when we went to pick up Kim from the FDC and he was like, "You better get him before I do." I don't know what to think of that. Kim is my friend so I don't want to dislike him for saying that, it was a joke. Just a joke.
I scroll in my contacts and find Jahseh's name, which has changed too many times. But I decided to keep it at just Jahseh💛
I press call and it rings
Jahseh
I was out at lunch with Kim today, since he was kind of bummed that he got turned down from 4 different jobs.
"I just don't want to be a burden on you, because I feel like you're doing all the work." Kim says sipping his drink.
"You're not close to a burden Kim, you've only been out for a few days. That's not enough time to get back on your feet. You need someone to help you for a while." I say, grabbing his hand reassuringly. He gives me a small smile before looking away.
I feel my phone getting a call so I pull away to grab it. It's Stokeley.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Jahseh." Stokeley says sounding a little bit anxious but I don't question it.
"Hey, what's up?" I said.
"Oh I just..are you busy? At all?" He says hesitantly.
"Oh shit, is that Stokeley?" Kim says excitedly.
"Oh..I see you're with Kim right now.." he mutters.
"Yeah, we're just out for lunch right now. But what is it you have in mind?" I ask.
"..Never mind. I'll just..talk to you later." He says sounding discouraged.
"Stokeley is everything alri-" before I could finish the sentence, he hangs up in my face. He's been acting a little bit weird lately but I don't know why. He's welcomed to chill with Kim and I whenever he wants but whenever he hears Kim in the background of our phone calls he suddenly doesn't want to talk anymore.
"Is he mad or something?" Kim asks. "He probably jealous."
"Jealous of what?" I ask confused. Kim gives me a look while sipping his drink,
"That I'm with you more than he is. My boy like you. I know it." He says shaking his head.
"Stokeley is a straight male. He doesn't like like me." I say. Kim laughs then sighs,
"I'm psychic, Jahseh. He likes you...or he just doesn't like me." He says leaning back in his chair and taking another sip from his drink.
"Shut up, Kim. He doesn't like me."
"But he fucking does! I can smell the gayness already." Kim says playfully, sniffing the air. I laugh at him and shake my head.
"I'm being serious, Jahseh. Weren't you just telling me the other day about how much you like Stokeley?" Kim says excitedly.
"Well yeah, I like Stokeley. But..he doesn't like me back. And probably never will." I say sighing.
"He was probably calling to tell you he likes you, and then heard me and then just said never mind because he didn't want me to hear." Kim says.
"That's absolutely far fetched."
"Jahseh. The day you get married to Stokeley, I'm going to rub it in your face that I predicted all of that shit." Kim says. I slap his arm, he winces and laughs at the same time.
Yes, I like Stokeley, but that doesn't mean he likes me back. Stokeley is straight and I am gay. He likes girls, I like boys. It will never work out. Of course I've worked a straight guy into fucking me before but I have a little too much respect for Stokeley.
Point is what Kim is "predicting" is very inaccurate. And I don't believe a single thing that he says "will happen."
"You can't prove that Stokeley likes me." I say.
"Yes I can." He says.
"And how?" I say shaking my head in disbelief.
He sucks his teeth before getting up, helping me get up too.
"Just follow my lead, midget." He says putting his arm around my neck. "I'm going to be your fake boyfriend from now until I prove it to you."
"Aren't you straight, Kim?" I ask confused.
"I'm straight as fuck, Jah. But take this as a favor of you being generous enough to help me out." He says smiling down at me. I smile back and nod.
"Alright, let this be true, Kim." I said shrugging.
