Pregnant With His Baby (Jack Gilinsky)

Chapter 24

*There is a trigger warning*

"Give it up for the amazing Shawn Mendeeees!!!!!" Cameron shouts into the microphone. Hundreds of girls scream maniacally. I can barely focus on my homework, but I still try.

Would I be one of those girls if I never knew Jack? If I found him on Vine? Would I be in that crowd, like a regular girl living her life as a fan?

All the boys are out there on stage, listening to the amazing voice of Shawn. God, for a 15 year old, he is hot and talented. If he was older I would so do him. Kidding. I'm just kidding. (Totally not kidding I swear to god...) He plays a few songs some girls request and the boys all dance around to that old lipgloss song. You know, the one that's all like: my lipgloss is poppin. They're actually pretty good.

Jack takes the microphone from the stand. "Hey everyone! How's it going, all you pretty ladies?!" The girls scream because he called them pretty. Awe!

"Listen, I got a very special person here today, I would love to introduce them to you. Please be nice, no hate for this person because they mean the world to me. Lizzy, come on out here." He points backstage to me. I shake my head, not wanting to go out there.

Nash and Matt come over and literally pull me on stage. Not as many girls scream as they do for the boys, but some do. Probably only the ones that "ship" Jack and I, whatever that means. I've spent a lot of time looking at the fan accounts and they're always saying something about "shipping" people.

"Jack, please no!" I protest. He pulls me in and gives me a big fat kiss right on the lips and half of the girls scream and the rest look on in horror, probably upset because Jack is showing me off.

"Everyone, this is my lovely girlfriend, Lizzy. Say hi, princess."

"Um, hi. I gotta go back and finish my psychology homework, sorry." The girls cheer. Wow, is that literally all they do?

The rest of the event was pretty ordinary, Jack let me stay backstage and finish up my homework. It took me about 3 hours. But I started to get a headache from the screams so I went upstairs to finish.

I go on twitter and post a picture I took of me and Cameron before Magcon and titled it "my bæ😍".

Throughout this trip, I've posted a picture with all of them with me, all with a caption.

Aaron's: "sweetest babee😘"

Carter: "mah betch😙😙😙"

JJ: "faveee💙"

Matt: "boo😉"

Nash: "my pretty blue-eyed boy. Love youuu😘😘😘💙"

Shawn: "fucking heartthrob ❤️"

Taylor: "my southern belle💕" with him dressed in a blonde wig.

All the fans would go crazy over seeing new photos of them even if they didn't like me. Sometimes I feel like they can be a bit obsessive over them. I mean, they're just boys, right?

I decided to look at a few of the comments and one caught my eye.

@Lizzyhatepage: "what a fugly bitch. Such a slut. She probably fucks all the boys. She doesn't deserve Jack."

Usually, I would laugh at it and ignore it. But with these hormones, I just feel so emotional all the time. I've noticed more hate being sent to me in the last few weeks and it's just gotten to me.

I walk around my hotel room and look at things, staring at everything, no idea why. I walk into the bathroom and when I look in the mirror, I break down. Am I really that ugly? Do I deserve Jack? God I'm so fat. Is it because of the babies or am I actually just fat in the first place?

I haven't felt like this in a long time. I feel scared when I look at my razor. I walk over to it and pick it up, the shiny metal tempting me. Just one wouldn't be bad. I can hide it. I've done it before. It's not a big deal.

When I was 14, I was diagnosed with severe depression. I was always so upset. I never knew how to handle it. My parents didn't get me counseling because they thought I would be okay with out it. I took my medications and I did everything the doctor told me to. But secretly, I would cut to get rid of the emotions that haunted my mind. I saw it through the media and decided to try it to see if it would help. It did and it became an addiction to me. It was the equivalent of drugs to a drug addict to me. I couldn't live without it. I got counseling when my aren't a found out at age 15. I would continue to cut until the age of 16. I had stayed clean and my scars were barely noticeable, and Jack never found out.

Without even thinking, I rip open my razor and grab the blades that fell out. I was so good at tearing them apart, I didn't cut myself like I used to when I was younger.

Like an expert, I cut at the top of my wrist, so I could hide it with a bracelet. I made a deep cut, and immediately, the blood was visible. It felt amazing. I kept making cuts, not even thinking about how noticeable they would be. It felt too good to stop. I finally lost all that hurt I had boiled up inside, finally feeling bliss.

I heard the door click open. "Lizzy? Babe I'm back. The event just finished and I wanna cuddle! I'm exhausted." Jack yells.

Shit. I finally come to my senses and look at the damage. It's everywhere and the blood is dripping onto the floor and my legs. The blades are laid out across the floor and the cuts take up half of my arm. Some of them are extremely deep, deeper than I've ever gone before.

"Um, Jack I'm in the bathroom, please don't come in." I say with a shaky voice. Shit! He's going to know I'm upset.

"Lizzy, are you okay baby?" I hear his voice get a bit louder as he walks toward the bathroom. I don't have time to shut the door on him.

"Lizzy! Oh my god!" He rushes over. "What is this? Why Lizzy? Baby! Look at me Liz." I look up to his face cautiously. He has tears in his eyes. He grabs my wrist and holds them, looking at how bad the damage is. The blood pools into his hands. He grabs towels and tries to wipe off the blood off of my arms. He pulls me up and runs cold water over them and I wince at the sharp pain.

"Jack I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I never told you. I've been addicted to it for years but I've been clean for a year and I'm so sorry!" I start crying and I can barely speak. I know he can't understand me but he still nods in understanding.

"Liz, what happened? And I think you need stitches. These are bleeding profusely. They're really deep."

"Your fans are so terrible to me! I couldn't take it and these damn emotions made it worse and god I hate this." I fall into his arms and he pulls me close. I notice the blood seeps through the towels. "Jack! Help me! I've never gone this deep. Jack I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" I start begging him to help.

He looks at his phone but it's dead. "Shit!" He runs out of the room and runs to someone's room. I hear him yelling "call 911! God dammit! Now! Lizzy's hurt!" Suddenly he's back and grabs me. A towel is wrapped around my wrist tightly to stop the flow of blood. A few of the boys gather in the hallway to help me stand up. I didn't even realize I was feeling weak until I felt a few hands holding me up.

"Jack I don't feel well." My vision gets blurry and I feel tears on my cheeks. Matt brings me some water and helps me drink it.

Jack picks me up bridal style and we wait for the ambulance to get here. The boys try to get me to keep talking so I don't faint. But I feel more and more tired as we wait. The last I remember was being loaded into a big vehicle.

Hey guys, if you are ever feeling like this, message me. I have had self harm problems as well so I understand this feeling. You can always kik me or something or message me and I'll be there for you. I love you all!