In This Love

Feelings

My foot tapped on the wooden floor  as I had a book in my hand. I lay on the deep pillowed couch just reading. It was early in the morning. I had woken up an hour ago. I peaked from the corner from my eye to see what time it was and it at been 7 in the morning.

It had been two days since he incident. The incident that cracked a bone in my heart letting me know there I stood in this battle of emotions.

I wasn't able to sleep that night. My mind was blurred by the series of events. My final lesson was that whenever I'm going to be happy, that happiness won't last long. It will turn into a monstrous pain. A pain for eternity.

I heard footsteps aproaching from the ramp, I knew who it was just coming down. But I didn't bother ripping my eyes from the book in front of me and look at him. When he came in my peripheral vision. I  saw Rhys dripping in sweat, his light grey shirt had become the dark shade of that colour.

He didn't look at me, just ignored my presence and walked towards the fridge. When he had retrieved a bottle of water from it. Rhys leaned his back against the kitchen counter and gulped down the water calmly. Sweat was trickling down his forehead down to his neck and disappeared under his shirt. My throat went dry. My heart thumbed against my chest.

When he sensed that I was watching his every move he turned towards me but I had already started to pretend that I was focused on the book. Completely oblivious of his being.

Without any word, he marched towards the ramp once again going back to his room.

I sighed and my arms pushed me up in a sitting position I looked back at the door he had disappeared in to the kitchen. It was my queue to go make us some breakfast.

Usually the maids made it for us but today he had to leave early since it was his first day as the CEO of the company.

An hour later

I had taken my time with the breakfast. I knew Rhys was going to take his time.

I was finally putting toasts in a plate when  he appeared into the kitchen. He didn't look at my direction or at the breakfast. His undivided attention was on the cabinet I had never opened before.

Rhysand opened the cabinet and took something out that shocked me to the core.

A bottle of whiskey.

It was then I let myself look at his eyes and saw how red they were. Possibly from the acessive drinking.

I, without thinking my a hand on his forearm making him come to a screeching halt. He literally turned into stone. Frozen by my touch. Even thought he had wore layers of clothing but still I could feel the heat radiating from him into my palm.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I rasped at him but he didn't look at me. Had he lost all of his senses in just two days?

"What does it look like?" He replied still too focused on the task in front of him. I wanted a reason. A reason out of him. I wanted to know why he was doing this to himself and his already tarnished reputation "It is your first day in the office as the CEO and you are going there drunk?" He didn't answer.

"Why are you drinking?" I asked as I leaned into him, tilting my head to look at his face but still he didn't meet my gaze.

I put a hand on the body of the bottle he had raised. I pushed it down to the marble counter. The sound of bottle clinking echoed. Like my touch had broken the spell of his trance and turned him into something more raging.

His hand grasped my wrist and turned both of us around in a swift motion that it took me a minute to realise what had happened. I let out a little gasp when he put both is his hands on the sides of me on the counter behind us.

I leaned back to the cold marble to escape his interference in my personal space. His blood red eyes held me in his gaze as Rhys rasped "Because of you"

I frowned at his words. Why on earth would he be drinking becuase of me.

"Me? How?" I looked into his intimidating stare, I built up the courage in me to stay here in his stare and arms rather than push him away from me "It's not like I have done something wrong. That turned you into a-" I stopped and looked directly into his eyes "damsel in distress?"

Rhys shifled a groan inside of him and said "You and that smart mouth of yours"

I still frowned at him with confusion. My breath hitched when he started the decrease the distance between my waist and his arms. Rhys's face was erased of any emotion when he said "You make me feel guilty for the things I shouldn't" he said with such emotion that caused my heart to shudder. My whole body to shudder. It wasn't the feeling of what he had said it was the way he said it but the meaning behind thar simple statement that gave birth to all my sleeping wits.

"I did nothing. All I did was let you - a burden - in my life. Who is ruining my peace " he repeated again but with a heavy emotion in his voice. I didn't know how he was able to keep his voice together "You think that when you put on the mask of not being affected my what is happening with you. It makes me feel guilty. Even though it isn't my fault"

"You're right" I let my gaze fall on his arm that trapped me from escaping. I was calculating my answer. I wanted him to know why he was right. After all he did nothing. He was right.

It wasn't that he was right becuase it wasn't his fault and he felt guilty anyway. But it was that it was his fault and he believed that it wasn't. He believed that he was innocent while he was doing a damned good job on slowly crushing me.

"You did nothing" I said looking back into his eyes. My voice wobbled but I didn't care if he was able to see the emotions I felt at the moment "You did nothing when your girlfriend insulted me. You did nothing when your mother had called my a slut even though deep inside you knew she was wrong. You did nothing when Nora dug her nails in my leg and you just apologised, thinking that it will ease every battle inside of you and me but it didn't "

I stopped and held him in my gaze "But you did bring your girlfriend to this house on my second night here. You held her against the wall as you kissed her. You did insult me for my misery. Called me the things I am not. You did alot" I put my hands on his chest. My palm relaxing under his soft heartbeat. I pushed him away with all the power I gathered in me. My shields were down. I was letting him see what I was feeling.

"You say that you are able to see me through my mask. I can too. It's like you are taking all of it in but one day you'll snap. Just like I will one day" tears shimmered in my eyes as they threatened to fall. But I tried to push them back.

Rhys had the exact same emotion he complained about. Guilt. Written on his face.

All the things I wanted to say to him were riling up inside of me and I was letting it all out. He had to know all of this "So don't blame it on me when you drink. Do not feel guilty when there isn't any element of care between us. Do  not say that I am the reason" tears were pooling in my eyes. My vision was blurring.

"You know" I said blinking the tears out not caring if he sees them. Rhys just looked at me with his jaw clenched "I feel guilty too when you don't say anything back to me. I start to think that you are too letting all of it in without getting some of it out. Maybe you compensate all of it by not interfering at all" I looked at him - searching for any response. This was his turn to calculate the perfect answer and the struggle was real in him. The mold all of his thoughts into one.

He cleared his throat."Point made. It is me. But don't let any of this fool you. You're right when you say that there is no care between us - meaning we don't owe it to each other. But you are brothed upon me. And I hate all of it. That's the truth. I hate every single minute of this time. I have nothing to say to you so I'll take my leave" he put the bottle down just like his head hung low. I heaved a sigh of relief that he wasn't drinking. He stopped at the foot of the table and looked at the thing I had served on the table. He closed his eyes and released a sigh. He picked up a bunch of strawberries in a hand, laptop and keys from the living room and left me alone. For good.

I had lied. I did care. A little. I cared enough not to let him tear his left respect in his father's eyes.

That's all the power I had on me. That little. But it was enough to stop him from doing this. Even though it might destroy me in the middle of it.

Why did I care?