In This Love

What We Have Today

Avery

After a shower, I felt calm. I couldn't deny the fact that it felt like it was hurting Rhys, when he was telling me about whose opinions I should consider and whose I shouldn't. But after everything that went down with me just about two hours ago was chaotic. I didn't know if I could get myself out of this, this....self-pity and self loathing and the heartbreak for myself.

I didn't know if I could face Rhysand without crying. I hated being vulnerable, so weak that I cannot even control my own emotions when I am in front of that one specific person.

When I got out of my room, I found Cassian waging his tail and running around me. I almost forgot, that he lived with me. I had him in my arm and walked down the ramp into the kitchen, finding Rhys in an apron. He was setting a table for us. It felt different and familiar at the same time, watching him quietly working, so focused on his goal, on his mission. That he didn't even notice me standing here, it looked like he was so happy with was he was doing in this moment. It made him look so...normal.

If Rhys would have said that he was making dinner for us couple of months ago, I would have accused him for poisoning my food.

Cassian barked and I set him down. When I looked back up I found him staring at me with a faint smile.

"I thought that you would stay in your room the entire time and when I would have asked you to come have dinner with me, you would've said something like "no, I'm tried" and then I would have eaten this food alone" when he finished I said, "Since you already thought this way then I can go. As you know...I'm tired"

He frowned and smugly said "You are not going anywhere until you've eaten something" 

"I was joking" I said as I sat down, folding my arms together on the table.

We didn't say anything to one another during eating our food but I did compliment him for the food he made and how tasteful it was. He told me that he was grateful that I liked it.

As Rhys cleaned the kitchen and meanwhile I had gotten out some red wine and glasses for us, I walked to the floor to roof window that I've always liked and sat down on the cold floor with my back resting next to a bean bag. All I heard was the clattering of the crockery and the water running. When all of the came to an end, I found Rhys sitting next to me watching the sunset.

"I have listed down the things that trouble me like you asked me to" without looking at him and he held out a hand and said "Give it to me"

I chuckled and pushed his hand away, I pointed to my head and said "It's up here"

Rhys replied, "Clever. So tell me about it"

I bit my lip as I poured some wine into my glass and into his, "It's not exactly a list of the things that trouble me, it's just the things that I don't like. Maybe, by the end of this conversation, I might tell you what troubles me the most"

"As long as you are telling me something about yourself, I'm totally fine with it" he took a sip from his glass and looked forward, the setting sun shone in this eyes making him look out of this world.

"My favorite genre of novels are romance, action and dystopian" I started "Starting from romance, I hate those novels in which the girl is shown to be this stupid girl, who doesn't even care about all the bad things the guy is doing to her in the beginning and gives some excuse like "Oh! But I know that he cares about me" she often lets it go cause of the sexual tension between the two. Oh! And those novels where the writer is so focused into putting smutty scenes that just forgets the main essence of what the characters have. Those writers who look at love as this amazing thing that is just so perfect making the reader believe that love is actually a good thing"