In This Love

What Now?

A/N: I know, I know. I am sorry for leaving without an explanation. It is just that in the beginning, I was having a writers block but in the middle of Feb. my cat was stolen, you see...the law system is not good in my country. Stolen things are not found, murderers are not plead guilty if they are rich. So, my sisters and I and my sisters best friend after grieving for a couple of days we started to search for my cat. We did not find her. Instead we rescued, two more cats, who now live with us today. By that time, my exams came along, now here we are. IM FREEEEE and will continue to write this story.

Rhys

I didn't realize that once you care about someone, the pain that they go through can be felt so abundantly. The pain becomes so inevitable that you just don't know how to deal with it. The shock of just a soul-wrecking news coming from someone you care for is indubitable.

"I'm not healing" it was like the words were hanging in the air as if they were stuck in time. The words were waiting for mine to over power them. But in that moment I was tongue-tied. I felt her move away from me, I was looking at nothing in particular. Avery was moving now, I could feel the warmth of her leaving from my body. My heart fought my still-in-shock brain to command my body to move towards her. By the time she got off the floor and onto her feet, my body them decided to come out of the paralysis.

I was on my feet, swiftly moving towards her and stood in front of her. Avery had her head down, her face out of my site.

Once again, I tried to grab her shoulder but she pushed me away. My mind clouded with confusion.

"I went to the doctors today, as you can tell" she looked back into the living room assessing the wreckage she had caused, her face once again flashed with pain as if she started to remember the reality.

"In the past, it was only you who was stuck with my cripple self, but now it is not just you. It is me too, I'll have to live with too. Before all of this.....this...permanent state. I thought that one day I'll be free. The hope of not being seen as a burden once I get healed, kept me sane. Now i have to accept that this is life, with or without healing" she chuckled at the last word, she gritted her teeth before continuing "Good for you, that in about nine month you'll be free"

In a low whisper she said again, "You'll be free"

I fisted my hands, trying to restrain myself from yelling at her and tell her how wrong she was, on how negative she was being, how wrong her perspective of things was. I took a deep breath, i reached for her hand and pulled her towards me.

Her teary face was the first thing I saw, then I realised that she herself didn't even believe these things. She thought that I was the one who believed them, that's why she was saying them.

But the pain was still there in those ocean eyes, it broke my stone heart into two.

I decided to say what was on my mind, unfiltered.

"You don't realise how wrong you are when you are trying to speak my mind, Avery" her eyes shot into mine when she was caught lying, there was realisation, panic, surprise "You don't have to care about what people say about you, in the beginning I did feel trapped. I have to be honest when it comes to you. At that time, I was victimising myself, i was picturing you as this witch who has ruined my life. Ah! My underdeveloped caveman brain"

I squeezed in some humor in my answer, as a hopeless try on making her smile.

And it did. The corners of her mouth curved into a small smile.

"Which still is though" I added making a small chuckle come out of her.

"I was biased, I didn't realise that you were dragged into this too. Which made me act out that way. And as for my mother, well...there is no hope for her" she looked at her feet and said "You don't have to say anything bad about her just to make me feel better"

I didn't answer to what she said and said "You shouldn't care about what I say either. And what your parents say and your sister" I let out a sigh as I put myself in the list of people who made her life miserable.

"You should care" I looked at her as I knew that she was thinking about the same thing "About what Sarah says, what Ryan says, what Ridge says, what Cassie says. Why? because what they say actually matters, they matter in your life, the others? They can go to hell. Why give a shit about what they say? We all will leave you eventually" I took in the heaviness of my own words, whatever I just said hurt me.

I never played a good role in her life, I made her think this worst of herself. I did this.

Antagonizing myself sounded like a better and I didn't care if my own words would eat me on the inside later. As long as she is okay, I'll be okay.

She knew that it pained me to say all of this but everything i was saying was actually working on her. That relief on her face told me.

She'll be okay.

Before she could say anything I cut her off "Now go, go take a shower. Calm yourself down and think about everything that troubles you. Then come down and we'll talk about it. And in meanwhile, I'll go take a shower and think about what troubles me and you can help me with it. I'll make dinner" I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

I gazed into her eyes, wanting to hold her but letting her hand go and walking away from her. I had my back facing her, the smile I had on for her was now gone. There was knots in my throat, I didn't know why my heart felt like it was shutting down. I heard her footsteps retreating.

I looked at the broken vases, imagined her loosing her mind smashing everything in front of her, screaming those words and I called her once. It all made me hate myself.

But it is what it is.