Could be a Star

Chapter 29

Okay, I'll admit, I'm a little jealous of Max.

I mean, who wouldn't be? He's going to London to live the dream, to be on the stage. This is real for him now, not just some far off fantasy. He'll be among stars and he'll be one himself, too.

But more than being jealous, I'm proud. I'm proud and happy for him. I can honestly think of nobody who deserves to live the dream more. He is going to shine, undoubtedly.

Before school today, I text Max.

'Is it a secret or are you telling people, Superstar?'

He replies almost straight away.

'Haha. No its not a secret really anymore, but please keep it under your hat for now,'

'Don't worry, its securely in place under my very fashionable beret style of hat,'

'Merci, Jacques,'

***

School drags. I am the least interested in French tenses and kinetic energy as a person could be. I want to wear a sign around my neck saying 'Do not disturb, I've got an opening night to perform fantastically this evening'

Whenever I see any cast member in the corridors, we exchange excited grins and high fives which feels great. Just before lunch, Kerry takes me by the shoulders and shakes me back and forth saying 'It's tonight it's tonight can you believe it's actually tonight?!'. I look her right in the eyes and say it would be best if I was alive for the occasion and she kindly stops shaking me.

After school, most of us stay in Mr Sharp's room to eat the tea we brought with us. We all agreed to bring something and have a big feast each night before the show.

'Eugh,' says Kate opening up another tube of Pringles 'I'm going to be so fat by the weekend,'

'Oh get over it, Kate,' says Liam 'We'll be dancing about all night anyway,'

'Fair enough,' she munches.

'Yep,' Kerry says through a mouthful of sausage roll 'You can't perform on an empty stomach, anyway,'

Later, about an hour before we're due to start, I head to the shop. Kate said she needed lots of water to get through the show, but it takes her ages to do her makeup and her wig so, like the perfect good person I am, I offered to sacrifice my precious time and get it for her.

'It's only two minutes away,' I say 'It's no problem,'

'Literally my savour, Jack,' she says, handing me the money.

I walk to the shop with a grin lighting up face as the sun begins to go down. The people I'm doing this with couldn't make me happier and I don't think I've felt this good in a long time. I buy Kate's water and extra for everyone else and it's only when I'm leaving the shop that my smile vanishes.

He's sitting on the wall outside the shop, chewing his gum as he always did. He notices me and blinks.

'Ricky,' I say without really meaning to.

He jumps off the wall and comes to stand in front of me. The cold water freezes my hands.

'You're doing it then? The show I mean,' he almost whispers

'Yes of course I'm doing it,' I reply, not daring to make eye contact

He nods, looking down at the floor.

It makes me feel spiteful suddenly, it makes me feel angry.

'What?' I spit at him, still not looking 'Did you think I was just going to stop doing it because you told me not to,'

He glances in my direction through squinted eyes.

'No, I just,'

Almost immediately, I realise that this is my chance. If I don't do it now, I never will and the way Ricky is chewing his gum makes me thinks he deserves it. I grip the water tight, ignoring the icy nip on my hands.

'You thought you could just do a nice little speech and let me off lightly so you don't have me as a burden anymore, didn't you? But do you know what Ricky, there's no letting a friend off lightly and maybe I have some stuff to say to you too and you're just going to have to stand there and take it,'

Ricky doesn't move. I feel the anger I've felt before.

'Ricky,' I announce, hearing the music begin in my head 'No matter how much you showed how embarrassed you were of me, I was never going to change, Ricky. News flash: I like being different and I like standing out. I'm sorry you're to normal to handle that. No, actually, not normal, boring,'

This is just like a the dance, only more exhilarating. I'm talking fast, spitting the words into his face.

'But every time you stuck your nose up at me, do you know how that made me feel, Ricky? It made me feel tiny. So small, Ricky. That's not okay,'

I feel good, I feel strong and confident like I never have before.

'I don't like not liking you Ricky and I though I needed you so I put up with it and that wasn't okay either, Ricky. I don't like that we can't get along, but we don't need each other anymore and that's just fine. At least you don't have to be embarrassed by me and I don't have to be beaten down by you,'

I pause because that's the end of my speech, I'm supposed to push past him now and walk away. But there's still one last thing left to say. I slow down now, the dance is over but I'm not done.

'I know you're happy, Ricky and that's great because I am too. Honestly and truly very happy. Thanks for all the times we had. Have a lovely, normal life, Ricky,'

Without waiting to see his expression,  I walk past him towards the school and the stage and I don't look back as my numb hands grasp the freezing water.