Could be a Star

Chapter 14

It's not that I don't want to learn the Angry Dance, its just that I really really can't.

Andy-maybe-Anderson keeps on making me do the same bits over and over again until I get it right and its so frustrating because that's obviously never going to happen.

'I can't do it,' I tell him, giving up.

'Yes, you can,'

What does he think he's on about? I obviously can't do it. I want him to shut up and change the dance to something I can do.

'No, I can't!' I tell him, firmly. He doesn't seem to understand. Tap messes with my head and I hate it. I can make my feet do the right thing when I do the steps on their own, but as soon as I put them together, I feel like a marionette with an insane puppeteer. I can't make my feet do the right thing. It doesn't flow like ballet does, its just one big jumble. How does Max do it?

'If I say you can do it, then you can do it,' says Mr Anderson quietly

'How would you know if I can do it or not?' I say under my breath

'You didn't get this part because you were going to give up when you slipped up a little. You know Jack, and I want you to listen very carefully to this, there's an old saying that goes: If you can talk you can sing and if you can walk you can dance. Can you talk, Jack?'

'Yes,' I say. I liked the saying. It somehow made sense.

'And Jack? Can you walk?'

'Yes,'

'I'm sorry?'

'Erm yes I can,'

'You can what?'

'I can walk,' I'm beginning to doubt myself

'So what else can you do?'

'I can dance?'

'I can't hear you,'

'I can dance!'

'You can what?'

'I can DANCE!' I shout. I feel a bit stupid really but perhaps-Andy-Anderson was right. I wasn't going to thank Mr Sharp for giving me the role by not trying. That's not the kind of person I want to be. I am a trier. Often, I'm and unsuceed-er too, like the time I tried to make Mum a chocolate cake and parts of the kitchen had to be redecorated. But sometimes, I do succeed. And I will do whatever I can to make this show one of those times.

***

I walk over to Max's house with my heart beating like there's an angry small child in my chest with a rounders bat. I don't know what I'm going to say to him but I know I need to make sure he's okay before tomorrow.

Tomorrow, we go to London.

I haven't seen him much since the Incident with the Clones and the Gum. We haven't really talked properly since.

But tomorrow needs to be good.

I knock on the door and his mum answers.

'Hi, love,' she says. She's wearing an apron and holding a wooden spoon covered in chocolate. I can smell her baking from the door step.

'Hi, is Max in?'

'Yes, come in, he's just upstairs,'

I thank her and make my way up the narrow staircase after taking my shoes off.

'Jack?' she calls quietly from the bottom of the stairs

I turn and she beckons for me to come back down.

'I don't know what's happened,' she explains 'And I'm not asking you to tell me. But I know he's upset and that's why I'm making chocolate brownies. He hasn't been himself all week. I'm sure tomorrow will cheer him but... but,' there's a pause 'Just try to make him happy now,'

There's concern I'm her face so I nod and smile and tell her I'll do my best.

I'm a little scared to go into Max's room. What if he's crying or won't speak to me and we just have to sit there in silence. What if he doesn't want to come tomorrow anymore?

I knock, gently.

'Max? Its me,'

'Come in!' he calls. He doesn't sound sad at all.

I slowly walk in and find Max sitting on his bed with his laptop in front of him. He's playing 'Solidarity' from the show.

'What are you doing?' I ask

'Getting in the mood!' he grins 'For tomorrow! Wow I can't believe its tomorrow I can't wait can you?'

I want to smiles too but something feels odd.

'Are you okay?'

'Erm, yes I think so because tomorrow you and I and your lovely mother travel to London to see Billy Elliot. On the west end! How could I not be okay?'

I sit down next to him and see dried tears on his cheek.

'I don't think you are okay,' I say quietly

'I am!'

'No, Max. Your mum said you've been really upset and I don't blame you. You don't have to pretend your not upset you know,'

Max sighs and turn off the music.

'Okay, you got me,' he says calmly 'I wasn't okay about 5 minutes ago. And I haven't been okay all week but then I heard you come through the door and I remembered what's happening tomorrow and I realised that I couldn't be upset anymore and that staying sad just makes me sadder so I told myself that nobody else's words mattered and I am just going to enjoy myself at least for this weekend and not worry about any of that,'

Max just said a lot of words in one go, almost without breathing. He has his hands in fists.

'Would you like to punch something?' I ask

'Yes please,'

I hold up a pillow and he's hesitant at first but as soon as he has punched it once, he carries on and I tell him that it will be okay and that what he said was right, he shouldn't think about anyone else.

When he's finished punching he let's out a big sigh and smiles, properly this time.

I look into his eyes and they do this twinkling thing. I wonder where it come from as we get excited for tomorrow.