HOMELESS ✓

30

shauna's diary entry #30

"I believe in you."

hoseok told me today when he found me sat on the floor crying. my back was against the wall as i hugged my knees- letting it all out.

i wish i had the courage to tell him how much his words mean to me. in every situation, his words give me comfort and easiness in such a hard life which makes me think that he's too great of a gift to this world- too great of a gift to me.

"you can dance!" he stated and the excitement buzzing through him was evident in his voice. "how beautiful is that? when i see you dance, you make me feel and that's something natural, something that needs to be known." and he made the two of us stand up, holding both my hands carefully.

"dancing is a talent you have." he reminded me as we maintained eye contact. "the thing is, I can tell when you're dancing, just how much it means to you, how much you're feeling." he pointed to my heart. "in there."

I felt so overwhelmed by his support, reassurance and affection that I just stepped forward and hugged him. i caught him by surprise which made me smile more as he froze in place.

after a few long seconds, he gradually placed his arms around me- hugging me back with his chin leaning on my shoulder as he held me closely.

"we got this okay?" he placed his hands on my shoulders, rubbing up and down my arms as we moved apart and he stared at me. "i'm going to support you every step of the way."

"we're going to get through this." a small smile was playing on his lips and i felt like life was finally treating me well because seeing a smile from someone you love, directed at you is so comforting.

i raised my brows. "we?"

"yes." he stated in an obvious tone and let out a small laugh. "you and me. we're a team now okay?"

"i feel what you feel." he smiled.

and he continued- his voice smooth and full of buried affection as he reflected on his own feelings. "if you're happy then i'm happy. if you're sad then i'm sad. if you're angry then i'm angry-" and i was smiling like a love sick loser.

i interrupted him- unknown confidence suddenly blooming inside of me. "what do you feel right now?"

hoseok felt suspicious, caught off guard from my question as he eyed me with one eyebrow raised. "you know what i feel." and he sounded upset.

"then you should know that i feel the exact same way."

"what?"

my heart clenched and i felt so stupid for saying something like that. so i started to walk away. "nothing!"

but hoseok tugged on my wrist, his fingers slipping around it to bring me back to him as i nearly bumped into his chest. "what?" i said, allowing him to still hold me securely.

"nothing." he tilted his head. "you're just beautiful."

"god damn it hoseok-" and i stepped forward and kissed him.

I felt like today was the best day of my life.

but I'm not sure I deserve this.