Don't Leave Me

A Smile Without Happyness

The sound of the Canadian national anthem blared from my phone on the nightstand. Groggily I say up and grabbed it. My brother, Canada's contact flashed on my screen showing he was calling. I went to answer but he hung up before I could, but his face was then replaced with the clock on my Lock Screen and oh shit! I'm late!!

Jumping up I stumbled over the piles of clothes littering my bedroom floor. Looking around I grabbed the last clean set of my uniform and threw it on before rushing to the bathroom. Brushing my teeth I gladly washed the whiskey from my mouth, and after swiping a comb through my hair and spraying some cologne I grabbed my shoes and rushed towards the door.

It didn't take long for me to arrive to the world meeting since this one was being hosted only down the street from my home. The meeting itself shifts between the nations, and a different nation has the 'honor' to host it. This meeting was my turn, but clearly in my drunken state last night I had forgotten.

Running inside the giant building I forced myself to slow into a confident, uncaring walk towards the meeting doors. Inside the muffled voice of Germany made me want to turn and run, but after plastering a wide smile onto my face I stepped inside.

"Vhy are you late America?" Germany asked from the front of the room.

Shooting him my signature goofy grin I shrugged, "Sorry dude. I overslept. Guess I probably shouldn't stay up so late playing video games!" I joked earning a glare from the stern nation.

Taking his silence as a response I quickly rushed over to my seat beside China. I couldn't help but look longingly at the seat beside Japan, but he avoided my gaze and I just settled beside China reluctantly.

"Stupid Aru!" China scolded and I just laughed him off.

Germany's voice saved me from having to respond as he started the meeting, "Now that everyone is here ve  vill be discussing vhat some actions ve can all take to fight global warming! Everyone raise their hands, and make it short but specific. Ve don't need useless babbling." He glared at me as he said the last part and I shifted uncomfortably in my chair as others turned to stare.

Germany began calling on different nations and I instantly drowned everyone out. Pulling out my phone I began to play Among Us. A part of me actually wanted to try and participate, but I felt too drained to deal with the ridicule that would definitely come if I spoke my real opinions on well...any topic. They only want me to act like the stereotype they have developed in their minds, and to keep everyone happy I'll do that.

"Excuse me Germany. I think America might have some interesting opinions on the matter." England's posh voice broke my concentration as the imposter killed my character.

Why the hell is he volunteering me? Looking up from my phone I look around and everyone is already facing me. England sat in his chair with an encouraging look on his face and he even gave me a small smile...weirdo.

"Fine, America vhat do you think about countries using other countries oil preserves?" Germany sighed clearly not expecting anything productive to be said.

Putting as much excitement as I can into my response I jumped up grinning, "So what if we had this massive dude who like just gives out buckets of oil? He could be like a superhero!! Wait...No I'm the hero so that couldn't work." I faked a thoughtful frown but before I could continue with the ridiculous idea Germany rolled his eyes.

"Thank you. Sit down so I can ask someone more useful." Germany waved his hand dismissively and I didn't hesitate to plop down into my seat.

Useless...Nobody wants you here.

The thought replayed again and again in my head and the urge to grab my knife and just start cutting became stronger and stronger as time passed. Glancing over to England he seemed frustrated, but his eyes stayed focused on me like he was trying to solve an impossible puzzle. Good luck dude.

Finally the meeting ended and I hopped up yelling something about needing to get a burger before I rushed out. Instead of heading outside I instead turned left and rushed into the bathrooms. Thankfully they were empty and I fumbled trying to get my pocket knife from my jacket.

Just as I was about to press the knife into my skin a voice spoke up from the entrance to the bathroom, "Alfred stop!" England yelled racing over and yanking the knife from my shaking hand, "You have to stop this." He pleaded setting the knife onto the sink before taking my hands in his own.

My whole body started to shake and my throat tightened up making it hurt to speak and breath, "Stop acting like you care!" I sobbed trying to pull my hands from his grip, but he held tighter then I thought was possible.

"I care about you Alfred. Please just believe me!" He tried to pull me in for a hug and without thinking I shoved him back as hard as I could.

I just needed him to back up. He was too close. Everything feels too close...it's like the walls are  coming in on me and everything is spinning. I need to get out of here or god please I need to go!

England yelped in pain as he fell back onto the ground.

"I...Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean too...I'm so sorry!" I stared at him wide eyed as the realization of what I did hit me. I pushed England. I pushed my Iggy.

Without another word I rushed out the bathroom ignoring him as he called after me. I can't keep doing this. First I hurt Japan, and now England. Germany's right, I'm just useless!

My pace picked up into a run as I burst out of the building doors. Jumping into my car I don't bother with a seat belt before throwing it into drive and skidding out of the parking lot.

((Hey everyone! Just editing and redoing this book. I explain better in the chapter 1 author note. I hope y'all enjoy the changes, ya know if anyone is still reading this XD ))