Genesis || ✔

[ 5 ] Summer

As it were, this wasn't a love story with a happy ending. It was real life. It was a story of heartbreak; of anguish and pain; of loving someone even though it broke yourself.

But I was getting ahead of myself.

The days that followed the night on the hilltop was magical. Seth was magical. He was amazing.

And when we were together, it felt like we could take on the whole world.

The only problem was that I had unwittingly told Seth about my past (how could I not, now that we were so involved?) and he could hardly accept it.

He told me that he needed time to come to terms with him not being my first, and that until then, we weren't exclusive. So instead, we were more friends-with-benefits than in-a-relationship.

It pained me.

I tried bringing up the subject again when he was peering over his easel, painting the scenic summer day in his backyard. It was hot, but not humid. It was one of those days where you would be tempted to lie around and do nothing. Instead, Seth had chosen to work on his painting skills. Seth Vasquez was a man of many talents, and that made him even more desirable.

"So uhm, Z was asking, if we were interested in going on a double date," I started, testing the water.

"Gen," Seth turned to me, eyes blazing intently. "You know we're not exactly a couple."

I sighed. "I know, I know. It's just –"

"Gen," he said my name again, his tone softer this time. "I'm sorry, but nothing has changed. I like you, you know that. But I don't think I'm ready to be committed."

Commitment issues? That's new. I could work with that.

"Is it something more? Something other than... my past?"

He bit his lip and looked away. He took a moment before speaking again. "It's my parents. I just can't help fearing that we'd end up like them. That I won't appreciate you enough to stay. What if I just woke up one day and felt nothing? How could I ever do that to you?"

My lip quivered and my eyes stung. Now I had to look away.

The small, selfish part in me longed to scream at him. Maybe he should have considered that before stringing me along and making me feel so much for him. Maybe he shouldn't have kissed me and made love to me with that knowledge at hand.

I shook my head. I brought this on myself and if anyone was at fault, I could only put the blame on myself.

"Oh, Gen." Seth opened up his arms for a hug, and my body reacted on its own. I buried myself in his embrace as a few stray tears escaped my hold. I pressed my eyes against my palm, hoping to hide it from Seth. But he was Seth, and he knew me well enough to know that I was crying.

Gently, he cupped my chin and tilted my head so that he could look at me and my embarrassingly fresh tears. He wiped them away and held me even closer.

We stayed like that for a while, with me tucked away in his arms, him running his fingers through my hair, until my tears had dried.

Giving him one last squeeze, I detached myself from him to let him carry on painting. Upon making sure that I was alright, he lowered his gaze and continued working on his next masterpiece. I felt compelled to kiss the top of his head despite the thunderstorm raging inside my own. I just couldn't resist him, and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, I think I was already in love with him.

I sighed. Seth Vasquez, what was I supposed to do with you?