Lindsey was driving himself crazy imagining what Stevie was doing. She had gone on a vacation with Robert before the tour started and the paparazzi had become obsessed with the two of them. It seemed like there was some new picture or 5 of them every single day. The world was thrilled when they caught them kissing. Lindsey wanted to die. Stevie told him she still loved him and that nothing had changed but he could feel that it had. She didn't call him as much. She wasn't thrilled anymore when he walked in the door. He'd made her wait so long and now she questioned whether or not they would actually be together one day. She had never questioned it before. He supposed he was living the best of both worlds with Stevie and Kristen but he loved Stevie more. He wouldn't lose her. He decided to try to figure them out again on tour while they were alone together. He would do whatever it took to keep her he decided.
He knew Stevie would be home, they were leaving in two days. He had to go see her, he hadn't seen her in 2 weeks. It was 1:00 in the morning but he knew she would be awake. As he drove over he started to wonder if this had been a bad idea. She was vacationing alone with Robert so it wouldn't be a huge leap to think he probably stayed over sometimes. The thought turned Lindsey's stomach. He was relieved howerver when he realized her driveway was empty and saw only a soft light glowing from her bedroom. He let himself in and walked up to her bedroom, seeing her journaling. Her face was was bare and her long blonde locks fell around her shoulders. She was so beautiful. She finally noticed him and looked up, beaming brightly. It gave Lindsey some satisfaction. She had missed him. She stood up to greet him and he couldn't help but notice the way her silk nightgown fell on her body. He wanted her but tried to keep in mind that she thought he only showed up to sleep with her. He could wait, she was so much more to him than that. She kissed him eagerly and he pulled back after a moment brushing her hair behind her ear. "I missed you Stevie." he told her genuinely. She smiled. "I really missed you too." she told him. He wasn't sure what to say. He had plenty to talk to her about but just wasn't sure where to start. "How was your trip?" he asked, immediately wishing he hadn't. Stevie gave him a look. "You don't really want to know Lindsey." she said knowingly. He shook his head, "No, no really. I was just wondering if you really had a good time." he said, honestly. "Lindsey, let's not go there ok? We should enjoy the time we have together instead arguing about the time we spend apart. Tell me about the kids." she said, changing the subject.
Lindsey made love to her as the sun was rising. As she called his name she realized how much she had missed this. Lindsey was really her perfect match. No one could ever make her feel the way he did. Robert was more emotionally available to her though. She could call him with anything at anytime. It wasn't so tumultuous. She didn't have to be careful with him. She could be herself. It was true that Lindsey knew her better than anyone else but she couldn't always reveal her true feelings to him. Sometimes they hurt him. She had said that she could do what Lindsey had been doing for years but she wasn't sure that she could. She was afraid that she was starting to fall for Robert. She still loved Lindsey intensely, but when Stevie loved someone she loved them fiercely. She couldn't feel right about her feelings for Robert when she was with Lindsey. She didn't feel right about carrying on this way with Lindsey and knowing that she and Robert were getting more serious. Why did it have to be this hard? She was so confused. She felt so out of place and needed to be alone. She slipped her robe on and walked into her bathroom. She needed to breathe.
Lindsey sensed Stevie's somber mood but said nothing as she walked into the bathroom. He could tell she was torn but he could see that she still loved him. It was still in her eyes when she looked at him. He had been afraid this would happen. Stevie was a very loving person and he didn't think that she would be able to carry on with the both of them for very long without it taking a toll on her. She didn't like to hurt anyone. After awhile she hadn't come back. He went into the bathroom to check on her and found her sitting in the floor crying. He rushed to her side and took her in his arms. "Baby don't cry. What's wrong?" he asked gently kissing her head. She looked over at him tearfully. "This is so hard Lindsey. I don't know what to do." she said honestly. What was she saying? "Stevie?" he said, trying to get her to continue. "Lindsey, I love you so much. No one makes me feel the way you do but I'm so tired of being alone. I want to be with you but I can't ask you to leave your family." she said before bursting into tears again. She was at a breaking point he knew but he also didn't know how to leave his family either. He knew they could probably make it work but he wasn't even sure how to do it. He didn't want to lose her. He couldn't imagine spending the rest of his life without her. He could see she was waiting for him to stay something. He sighed. "Stevie, please don't be so upset. We're leaving tomorrow for 9 months. We'll be together and I promise we will have it all figured out by then. I love you Stevie. I don't want to lose you. I can't imagine my life without you." he told her honestly. He was determined to figure it out and make her happy. He couldn't stand to see her so unhappy.
Karen came to start packing Stevie's things. She was so quiet and not like herself at all. Karen wasn't sure what the cause was. "Are you ok Stevie?" she finally asked. "I don't know Karen. I just have a lot of stuff to figure out. This whole thing is pretty heavy." she admitted. Karen came over to sit by her, she could tell she needed a friend right now. "What's bothering you? Lindsey trying to make you feel bad again?" she asked. Stevie shook her head. "No, he's not. I'm making me feel bad. I love Lindsey and I really want to be with him. But I think I'm falling for Robert too. He's been so good to me and I can't hurt him. It kills me to think that I might hurt him with all of this. It's not fair that he's come into my fucked up life. I just think I'm coming to a point where I have to make a choice." she said, beginning to cry. "Oh Stevie, don't cry. I wish I could tell you what to do. Do either one of them know how you're feeling?" she asked. "Kind of. Well Lindsey does. I told him this morning. I was too honest with him. He told me he couldn't lose me and that he promised we would figure everything out on tour. But Robert doesn't even know. I don't think I should tell him." Stevie said. Poor Stevie, Karen thought. She didn't think it should be this hard for Stevie to find happiness. She deserved it. "As much as I hate to say it, maybe Lindsey is right Stevie. Things could change with Robert once you start touring. You know how that goes." Karen reminded her. And she did know. Maybe they were all right. She needed to slow down and wait things out a little. Things would play out. She pulled herself together. Robert would be coming over soon to see her before she left.
He arrived later to take her out to lunch. He found a nice place on the beach that he knew she would love. He brought her flowers, trying to make their last date before she left special. He was a little worried when he saw her. She seemed like she wasn't really all there. Her thoughts were elsewhere and he was worried that he knew where they were. She was leaving on tour and he knew that she and Lindsey would be alone together again. He felt jealousy thinking about it. It had surprised him how quickly it had happened but he was in love with her. There was no one like her and she made him so happy. They understood each other's lives which was something that was hard to find. He couldn't help himself, he knew she had all of the baggage with Lindsey but she drew him in, not even intentionally. He had decided to tell her before she left. He wanted her to know how he felt before she left. He took her by the hand and led her into the restaurant. She watched the waves come up on the shore. She knew he was watching her, could tell something was wrong. He pulled her closer to him in the booth. "Stevie are you ok? You know you can tell me anything." he reminded her gently. "I wish I could and you would understand. I can't though. I'm fine. Let's just enjoy our day together. I'm going to miss you." she said before kissing him, hoping he would drop it. He knew what was bothering her and he wanted to get it out in the open. "I think we need to talk about it Stevie. I know you still love him but I think you feel something for me as well." he told her. She nodded her head, tears softly filling her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I should have never pulled you into my mess." she apologized. He kissed her softly. "Stevie, I knew what I was getting into. I'm not sorry at all. I'm so happy that you let me in in whatever way. I know this is hard on you and I am sorry but you do deserve to let yourself be happy. I think we've been really happy together." he told her. She nodded. "I have been really happy with you. This is just something that I have always had to deal with and I don't want to hurt anyone. I..." she stopped herself. She didn't want to tell him she was falling in love with him. She knew she definitely was when he had been so gentle with her in this conversation. But if she told him and things didn't work out she didn't want to hurt him anymore than she would already. "We could be happy together Stevie. I know you may not feel this way yet but I have to tell you. I'm in love with you." he told her then kissed her. She didn't know what to say but she told the truth. "I think I'm in love with you too." she said before crying again. "That's what makes the hardest isn't it?" he asked her. She nodded. "I'm so sorry." she cried. He was determined to keep her. Once he knew that she loved him too he wasn't going to give her up. He would be there for her all of the time not just when it was convenient or easy. He would stick by her side and prove to her that she could be with someone besides Lindsey when she toured so much. He wasn't going to pull away. "Don't be sorry Stevie. I'm not. You've actually made me quite happy to know that you feel that way about me too. We'll make it work." he told her smiling. Part of her hoped he was right.
