Arranged- (s.m)

No Control

It's been a week since I came back from the hospital. Shawn has come with roses and chocolates everyday but he never came to my room because he knew I needed time and space. He left messages on my phone every morning and night but I never responded.

I laid in bed most of the time occasionally joining my family for dinner or watching something with Oliver. I couldn't sleep most of the nights because I was so used to sleeping with Shawn and being in his comforting arms. I missed him so much but I still wasn't ready to talk to him. I had taken time off work because my parents wouldn't let me go as I needed rest.

No one in the house has spoken about it so far, I know my parents have been talking about it amongst themselves but they didn't want to stress me out anymore.

I was completely confused, I was tired and I was hurt. I had no energy to do anything all I wanted to do is sit and cry because that's all I could do. I just wanted everything could go back to normal, I hated this but I also didn't want to give into Shawn so easily because it wouldn't be fair on me.

My bedroom door opened snapping me out of my thoughts, my mom came in with a tray of pancakes and some milk placing it down next to me. "Are you alright honey" my mom asked patting my head.

"I'm great" I say sarcastically, I hated acting like this towards everyone but I was just so upset and mad. "I'm not hungry" I say moving the tray and she sighs.

"Honey, you need to eat please. You want to be well and healthy, not make yourself sick" she says and I roll my eyes.

"I'm really not hungry please mom" I say and she sighs taking the tray and placing it on the desk opposite my bed.

"Do you want go out today maybe for a walk?" My mom says and I sigh shaking my head and she gets up and leaves.

I was so conflicted because I was angry and hurt but I also missed him and wanted to go back. I stood at the foot of my bed with tears spilling out my eyes, I grabbed the nearest object and threw it at the wall in frustration.

I wiped my eyes and clutched my knees to my chest as I sat in the bed crying. My mind was all over the place. I took the necklace that I was wearing since the day he gave it to me, I took it off.

That's how mad I was, I took it off and threw it on my desk.

I literally had no control of my emotions sometimes I just want to go and hug him and then minuets later I just want to punch him.

I decided to go to the yard for fresh air, I pulled my hair up in a ponytail before walking downstairs through the kitchen where my parents were and straight to the yard. I sat under my favourite cherry blossom tree which was mine and my grandma's favourite spot.

I sat and cried, "I don't know what I did wrong, I did my best Nana. I know your watching but I honestly don't know what's wrong. I give up, after everything I've literally been thrown in the deep end and I don't know how to get out. The only way out is forgiving him which I desperately want to do but at the same time I feel like punching him" I cried wiping my eyes.

I laid on the grass just observing the nature around me. I relaxed as I saw Ana and Autumn both coming towards me. "Hey" they chirped at the same time making them giggle before they sat down.

"I was thinking we should all go and get our nails done together it will be fun" Autumn says and I sigh.
"I really don't want to go out" I sigh