Thoughts

Monsters.

Growing up, the monsters under my bed stayed under there. Even they were scared of all the ones in my head. As well as the chaos always occurring just down the stairs. I grew up living with monsters. Only the examples of what not to do and how not to act were there to guide me. Except for one bad habit that latched itself onto me up until this very day, and it will most likely stay with me for the rest of my life. I keep things bottled up inside all too often. Just as I previously mentioned, there are monsters in my head. And they're feeding off of this bad habit. They feed off my terrible emotions that I choose to not express out of fear of hurting others, as well as ingrained methods of coping with tragedy. I don't cry very much during funerals, partly because I've been to so many, but also due to the fact that I feel numb during and long after the event. It is only a long time after that I finally let go of these feelings in one large release of raw emotion and incoherent madness. In which, is inescapable for days. During this time, I feel the subtle voices stating that I'm weak and that I shouldn't be upset about something that happened so long ago. But I am. And always will be. 

Some say the true monsters are the outside forces that affect us. I say they're the voices in our heads that feed on the seeds planted by said outside forces.