Notes

A fucking uuuh,, intro

I keep saying I'm the dumbest hoe on earth and I think that people see it as just another one of my common self-loathing jokes. And it is but this one joke feels a little more deep.
Maybe it's because I see everybody sharing their opinions and thoughts on stuff. They describe with lots of words and lots of different ways how much they love something and express their feelings and shit.
But then there's me.
Of course, many times I have sent long ass texts to my dearest friends telling them how much I love them but it's never the way I want to say it and it's never something original or nice or merely deep.
Mostly my brain feels like tangled headphones. It feels as if I had like a shit ton of sets of headphones, all of them tangled between each other. Usually, it feels as if there was a wall between the me who is talking and the me who has all those messy thoughts, and it's just kinda there, quiet but constant. But when I have to express somehow the way that I feel, it feels like I have to pull out this one exact set.
And looking for that fucking set makes me confused, tired, angry, anxious and overwhelmed.
So I was recommended to write down my thoughts as they go, whenever I feel that way.
I have done that a few times and saved it in my notes folder but I felt like maybe if I shared it for other people to see, it would make me feel better. So here it is.
I hope this is not a burden to anybody, and I hope this helps me somehow.

Lots of love, Miri.