Some if these are mine, some aren't. I'll let you know when they aren't mine. I won't do ships I'm uncomfortable with, don't like, or anything inappropriate stuff (so people who are looking for those types of books). I'll do mental illnesses and stu...
Angst with happy-ish ending https://archiveofourown.org/works/6838897
It's the pinching in his chest and the tingling in his fingers that make him reach out and grasp at Steve's arm. The thought of... well it just does not bear thinking.
"Please." He whispers, voice hoarse and desperate. "Just stay with me."
It would take less than a flick of the wrist for Steve to dislodge his wrist and Tony, well he is not a praying man but he prays in this instance that Steve does not pull away. It would be the last straw, the final brick of weight on his back that would break him.
Steve sighs. "Tony." he gives a shake of his arm and the connection is lost.
The burning rushes up behind Tony's eyes and he can feel the lump forming at the back of his throat. He wants to shout, to scream out his fears but he lost that ability ages ago. Hot tears burn tracks down his face but Tony pays them no mind.
Strong arms close around him, effectively caging him in and Tony can finally breathe. The air whooshes out of him on a harsh exhale, wet sobs joining with snot and tears to dirty up the Captain's fine suit.
"Tony." Steve says again, this time a whisper into Tony's ear.
Tony cannot hear if he says any more for the rushing of his blood is loud in his own ears, his heart tripping over itself in relief. He clutches Steve close, wrists locked painfully and fingertips burning his grip is so tight. He cannot loosen up though, even the thought causing panic to seize control.
Tony wishes he were stronger but he's not, he is not, he needs this. This man, the saviour of the world - America's golden boy - Captain America, his own personal sun; Tony would be lost without him.
He just wanted to keep the world safe and yet he destroyed it, and Tony cannot bear the thought of being left alone to do it all again. The tinkering is a nervous habit and he knows his fingers would run away from him, fiddling long into the night and building, building, building. What he knows not, but they would mould and create until doomsday come.
Tony will not carry the lives of the world on his shoulders, not again. He cannot keep them safe, especially not from himself.
"Just stay with me." He says again, words muffled into Steve's shoulder where he has his face buried.
Another sigh, this one surrounding him and squeezing him close, and Tony thinks that is it, Steve will let go and he will be left to flounder on his own.
"Of course I'm staying with you." Steve says, pressing the words into Tony's skull just behind his right ear, like a kiss.
Tony cannot comprehend the words at first, his grip still bruising in its force. As the moments tick by and Steve's hold on him remains as strong and comforting as always, Tony finally feels the shard piercing his lungs lessen. The pain in his chest is still there as his sobs grow stronger but his lungs now fully expand, breathing in the scent of Steve and warmth.
His feels high on the oxygen rushing through him and it is almost too much after months and months of just enough air to get him by. Tony feels detached from the his body, completely sagging into the Captain's arms and it is all good.
For the first time since New York, it is all good.
Steve changes his hold on Tony, adjusting to pull the engineer closer so he can more firmly hold Tony. Steve presses a soft kiss to the shell of his right ear and whispers, fiercely and firmly. "I've got you."
And Tony believes him. Steve has carried the world since the wars and will continue to do so. The knowledge that Steve will also carry Tony, that he will take hold of Tony's tinkering hands and carry the weight of them, well it is the dam breaking.
He lets go of Steve but only to more firmly wrap his arms around the Captain's neck and head, drawing him closer. Steve moves willingly, allowing Tony's fidgeting digits to mould him to where they want him. And maybe that's what Tony's tinkering hands can do, mould and create for the benefit of the man in front of him - the man who can take them and do good.
Tony could give that to Steve.
But for now he lets his restless fingers comb through Steve's hair, letting the movement soothe himself as he let's his burdens go one tear at a time.
"I'm here with you." Steve reassures with another light kiss to Tony's ear.
Tony closes his eyes and his breathing evens out, the panic and fear still pinching at the edges of his chest and sitting just behind his tear ducts but he's not scared of them. In the cocoon of Steve's strong embrace, he is safe from himself.
With Steve staying with him, Tony finally lets himself just be in the moment. His mind is not quiet but he knows, for now, he can let Steve carry his burdens.
Update: I'm a Bitch yeah but guys I had to take it when I had the chance
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