A Glass Of Crimson Souls

13) your life, my purpose

The days rolled by quickly as Miho adjusted to her life in Konoha. She did not attend the hospital but instead spent her time with Kakashi and his team, watching them as they trained for the Chuunin exams. She offered no advice and gave no help; the Chuunin exams' structure had changed much since she'd become a Chuunin, and she felt no inclination to give any of them a good measure of her strength. She could tell that Kakashi was cautious of this; more than once had he suggested a sparring match of some kind, and after declining multiple times, Miho finally gave in and lost to him brilliantly. She had put up a decent fight and lost only after prolonged attacks. The result seemed to satisfy Kakashi, for he did not ask for any more displays of her power.

Like always, she took the backseat.

As time goes by, I vaguely start recalling what it means to be at peace. The daily routine of waking up, looking around me and realizing: this is home. This is what it's supposed to feel like. Spending time with Kakashi makes me remember what I used to be like before anything ever happened, and sometimes, I must admit, I remember the things about him that so attracted me when I was younger.

And then there is Sasuke as well. He is not as chipper as he used to be—if anything, he is deadened and sullen. Regardless, there is a sense of comfort around him as well; he seems to find it still a bit difficult to talk to me, to accept that I am alive…but it is not terribly important. I will not be here in Konoha long enough for us to develop a sincere relationship anyway.

I should say the same for Kakashi. I do not want him spending too much time with me. I am not here to be at home, or to be at peace.

I am here to keep fate turning.

"Were you seriously going all out against Kakashi, that one time?" said Sasuke over his noodles.

"What makes you think I didn't?" said Miho, pouring them both tea. "I've never been able to beat Kakashi, you know. The Sharingan lends advantages over people that hard work could never dream of doing. It doesn't help that Kakashi's a genius."

"So are you," said Sasuke flatly.

Miho chuckled. "Are you sure you're talking to the right person? I'm a doctor, Sasuke. If you want to call that genius, well, I'm flattered."

"…You can beat me," he muttered.

"You're thirteen," she said exasperatedly. "If I couldn't beat a thirteen year old, I'd be a laughing stock."

"…Do you think you could beat Itachi?"

"Sasuke," said Miho sharply.

"I'm just asking," he said angrily.

"You know I hate talking about this with you."

"Why? You're the only person I can talk to about it—"

"No, I can't beat him. I'll leave him for you—is that what you want me to say?"

"I didn't mean that—"

"Drop it, Sasuke."

"Miho—"

"Drop it."

I'm starting to forget. I'm starting to want to stay, to feel at home, to feel safe. When I put on the Konoha headband in the morning, it's almost second nature even though I haven't worn one in five years. When I look in the mirror, I see a kunoichi who lives for her village, whose life and stability rely on her village.

I'm starting to want to forget. Forget everything that's happened for the last five years, and what happened that night too. I want to just remain here, submerged in ignorance, not deluged by this anger and hatred and lack of understanding.