CLANDESTINE

huit

8
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holding on,
how did we get this far?

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donghyuck let his slender fingers played over mark's hand, lacing their fingers one by one. he was delighted when mark held his hand tightly, moving closer to him.

"mark."

donghyuck called his name gently, still admiring how perfect the other boy turned out to be even when his sight was filled with darkness. mark had his forehead pressed against his, their breath mingling together. mark was so close, centimeters apart from him.

then why does mark felt so far away?

"you do know how much i love you right." mark closed his eyes, focusing on donghyuck's honey voice. it made him shuddered, how can one have this affect at him? for what he knew, it's mostly because it's donghyuck. only lee donghyuck can made him feel like this. "i love you so fucking much i'm scared. we've come this far and i'm so scared of everything, of us." donghyuck was trembling, mark felt that. his voice began to shook too but mark still let him continue.

"sometimes i wonder, did i really loved too much? did i loved you more? did you ever consider of how much i truly loved you? am i burdening you? would you even going to love me as much as i do to you? all those questions were playing around my mind yet i can't still answer any of it."

donghyuck wouldn't cry, he had makeups on and he doesn't want to be yell for ruining it.

"but you always remind me that you love me that much too. you told me it's never one-sided. it's always us, you wouldn't let it be me and you." mark rubbed soft circles with his thumb over donghyuck's palm as some sort of comfort. donghyuck opened his eyes and so did he, as he stared right into it.

donghyuck had the eyes of everything he loved. mark wouldn't list it out but what mark knew, donghyuck's eyes was something else.

"i always had to tell myself that you're indeed mine. you did love me. you are trying and i'm sorry. i'm always sorry for us. i'm sorry to over think, to consider your feeling, to question you again and again. i'm sorry. i swear, i don't want to do it but i can't help myself. i want to believe that you only love me and me alone but i can't stop having these thoughts that this might not be real. this might still be a fucking dream that i somehow can't find myself waking up from it. i am sorry."

mark didn't care at this point that they were literally down at the cold floor of the room, sitting while having each other embracing one another so tightly.

"hyuck, i don't get what you're sorry for sometimes."

mark started, his hands caressing donghyuck's cheek softly. a smile was dancing on his face, this is what he meant by how precious donghyuck is. he was just too adorable for mark. "i am the one at fault but look at you, beating yourself over it again. baby, there's no need for you to apologize. i said that already didn't i? you don't have to be sorry. but if that's how you want it to be, just remember that i'll always forgive you."

their lips was one breath away, almost touching but never enough. "what are you so kind for, mark lee?" was what donghyuck whispered. mark just smiled lazily, "i don't know, hyuck. tell me about it."

mark whispered back before crashing their lips together, moulding what seems to be pain looming over them evaporating into joy of each other's warmth. mark pulled donghyuck by his waist, kissing him passionately. donghyuck smiled into the kiss, mark never give him normal kisses or something. mark always put his everything in their kiss and that made it so special.

at that moment, they realized, they were both being selfish and helpless. both reasoning themselves for being the one in fault but never talk it out face on face. they thought the communication in their relationship was enough but they were proved wrong.

once again, they were tested and they survived, though barely.