CLANDESTINE

vingt - huit

28
_____

how can you ruin me
while holding my heart?

_____

"i need time."

time.

it's always the same thing.

time here, time there.

is time really the cure for human?

when those sentence left mark, donghyuck knew he was up for another obstacle.

donghyuck was leaning to mark as they laid on the bed together, his face buried at mark's collarbone. there were so many thoughts playing in donghyuck's mind despite mark having his hands pulling him closer.

donghyuck felt like he had failed mark. he was a failure.

he felt like he can't give mark what he need. he felt like he wasn't enough. no matter how many times the others have said that donghyuck was more than what mark could have wanted for, it doesn't look like that to donghyuck.

donghyuck just wish for them to be like how they were before.

when all they had to think about were when they would be catch by the others. at least they didn't need to stress themselves too much while thinking about it, they still can do what they always do and what they loves to do.

if only they were more careful.

donghyuck wanted more than just to close his eyes for forever so he can leave anything that was holding him back behind. he know it wouldn't happen, not if he really want to do the last thing he would imagine himself doing, to gives up his life to the world. sometimes he really does consider doing it but he always tried to remind himself, the world is cruel. donghyuck doesn't want to lose to the world even though it seems to hate him so much now, he didn't like the idea of him losing himself to something that enjoy mocking him.

mark made donghyuck face himself, one of his hand bringing his face as it caressed donghyuck's cheek gently, trailing down to his collarbone for a while before going back to rest on his cheek. it would be a lie if donghyuck said he didn't love it, if anything, he demand for more. he don't like being weak but if mark was going to handle him as if he's the most fragile out there, he wouldn't care. donghyuck loved being mark's distraction. anything that mark would give for donghyuck, he love every little thing of it.

"what's wrong?"

oh, everything is wrong.

of course donghyuck didn't say that as he kept silent. he didn't want to answer mark's question. he knew he would start blurting out things if he was to answer. donghyuck went closer to captured mark's lips, moving his own passionately. mark grunted before kissing back. his hand was hard on donghyuck's jaw as he tried to get donghyuck to stop.

mark didn't like it when donghyuck doesn't give him answer.

mark pulled away reluctantly, he was enjoying it but now isn't the time. he wanted an honest answer from donghyuck and he's going to get one. mark pushed donghyuck's face to make sure the younger can meet his eyes. mark studied the others for a while, his dark eye bags, his lifeless eyes, his luscious lips, his golden skin that was in contrast of his pale one. donghyuck was beautiful as ever even though he looked very tired.

"i ask you a question, hyuck."

donghyuck's eyes that was always shining before had lost his sparkles as it stared back to mark's. "there's nothing wrong." donghyuck mumbled. "it doesn't look like nothing to me."