nevermore

confidence.

the lovely jeffrey dean morgan as principal anderson @jeffreydeanmorgan on instagram

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Have you ever realized that simply a jacket can be a reflection of someones personality? Mine is worn down, has a rose on the back along with a quote. It clearly has a certain aesthetic, my aesthetic.

Raymond's on the other hand is polished. Has the pretty zippers. Almost looks new except that the inner tag has a ragged look from being gently washed. Maybe that's what Raymond is like. Seemingly perfect on the exterior because he wants everyone to think he's flawless but on the inside he really is ragged just like me, only I don't give a fuck if people see because exterior judgement is merrily stuck up so if they decide to be that way, then that's their problem.

I read into things way too much. I mean, it's just a jacket. My mind wanders so far when I'm bored, hence right now. Raymond and I are currently waiting for James and Cast to make up their minds on what kind of ice cream they want at some friendly looking ice cream stand. Cherry Park is one of those lively type of parks, not necessarily the nature types. I definitely liked that, but they needed to hurry the fuck up.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed being able to subtly glance at Raymond and sort of adjust to James's presence, and Casts' loud personality again, but there was a slight tension. Oddly enough I don't think it was between Raymond and I. We seemed to share a calm, peaceful, silence together. Honestly, I fucking loved that. For me, I really believe I've found a true person when we can just be in silence together, no tension or confusion, just lovely quiet.

Though I really am desperate as shit to ask questions as to why Cast was acting the way he was and why he said those things earlier at school, the whole "I miss you" ordeal. The questions kept floating around in my mind, sometimes drifting and letting other thoughts pass through, but staying in the stream of main conundrums nonetheless.

"Lukas, would you like one of those?"

Raymond asks calmly as he points to a cute lined up row of absurdly large lollipops at a quaint lollipop stand. They were the circle-shaped, twisty lollipops too. The size of the lollipops threw me off since the stand was so small and adorable. The one Raymond pointed out to me was at least the size of two fists put together, with beautiful twists and twirls of pink and blue that made me smile. I really wanted that one and somehow Raymond knew before I even did.

Who gives a shit if I'm a dumbass teenager I fucking love candy. Sue me, I'm down.

So I nodded quickly and reached for my wallet. Fucking shit. My smile dropped with my entire content mood when I realized my wallet was in my jacket pocket.

The jacket that's currently still in the passenger seat of Marcus's car.

Why is everything leading back to that jacket?

I sighed. I don't need the lollipop anyway it was just an unnecessary item that I wanted.

"I don't have my money with me."

Raymond's eyebrows pulled together as if he thought that was an irrelevant thing to say.

"Do you want one?"

"Uh... Raymond, I just said I can't pay for it..."

Raymond's frown disappeared as quickly as it came and he smiled down at me softly, as if changing his whole approach, his whole demeanor. What's he trying to do?

"I didn't ask that, answer my question."

"Oh. Um... Yeah, I want one. But I don't-"