nevermore

desecrate.

There are moments when you question everything around you, including yourself. You know, those psychedelic moments where you realize how small of an object you are in the actuality of existence, and how different everyone's view of existence is. How even the actions of the tiniest objects' in the universe can have the largest ripple effects in life.
I hate moments like these because I don't like the idea that I'm worth more than just another fucked up teenage statistic, or that I could ever be involved in anything more. I don't want to amount to anything greater because that'll solely be what everything else has been- a means to an end.

"You realize walking away won't change the truth, right?"

The fuckin' meathead shouted after me while grabbing for my arm. I shoved him away as calmly as a I could. I wanted so badly to punch him but I know his nose is already fucked from last time and I don't want to upset Raymond or James. Besides, clearly I realize walking away solves nothing. Of course I do, but will I admit that? Will I turn around and face this head on? Obviously the fuck not.

"Goodbye, you tiny brained peccary."

I don't bother taking another look back at him or James, and especially not Raymond. Those shitheads must be tweaking. When I realized they weren't joking, which took a glare at each of them and a trusty old "what the fuck", was when I tossed Raymond's jacket at his face. The obvious then followed— I ran. Cast, naturally, decided he could resolve this. He's forgotten that I don't turn back when I walk away so chasing after me is a pointless waste of his douchebag energy.

I think I'd better go home now, seeing as I'm in need of a fat nap and nicotine. I've taken the city bus long enough to know a route near my house isn't scheduled for another hour so it seems I'll be doing more cardio today. Joy.

Glancing up at the gloomy clouds settling in one can easily figure I've got about ten minutes before it rains. Rain is a pleasant element of living up North, but I'm never prepared because I'm stupid.

loren
11:32
broski are u on ur way back?? i know u didn't go to school u mf slacker ):<

Loren and her goddamn spidey senses.

lukas
11:33
Of course you know. I'll be there in twenty.

~

"Oh, you made it!"

Loren yells when I open the deteriorating front door to our apartment. From the doorframe I could see she's at the kitchen counter, sitting atop of it while something smelling of bacon was being cooked. Her orange tabby cat, Midas, was asleep on the stool where most people would be sitting, not Loren though. Her and Midas had essentially switched species.

"You're making food?"

The door slams shut behind me and with a quick turn of the lock I shove my jeans off and wander over to Loren, who's wearing her girlfriend's ginormous winter sweater and no pants. We're a no pants household.

"What'd you say? Hey, so nice to see you, my favorite sister! Wow, I really missed you while I was skipping my classes. Oh, wait... you didn't say that. Buffoon."

I scoff and roll my eyes while grabbing a green apple from the disorganized pantry

"You're my only sister, Lo."

She frowns, her big brown eyes dripping with annoyance.

"Put some fucking pants on, man. This is America."

"No, this is the kitchen. And I don't see you wearing any either, fuckhead."

Midas meows at me, not a nice meow though. You know how sometimes when a cat meows it sounds cute? Not when Midas has anything to say to me. If he spoke English I'm positive he'd have a heavy Russian accent and curse me out constantly, it's his vibe and I like it.

"Girlfriend coming over today?"

That gets Loren to smile.

"Yep! I'm making her breakfast because-"

"It's her favorite, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna go to my room so I miss all of your nasty affection."

Loren slides down from the counter and punches my arm.

"It's called love, dumbass."

I quirk an eyebrow while grabbing a gallon of chocolate ice cream and a spoon.

"Am I supposed to know that?"

That makes her pout at me, big brown eyes sad instead of annoyed, as they usually would be.

"I love you, stinky."

"Okay boomer."

And with that Midas decided I was no longer allowed in the kitchen.

I flip off the stupidly cute cat on my way towards my room and lose the smile that'd been on my face when talking to Loren.

Time to get high and contemplate my life decisions.

_______________________________

1/5/20
hi this was short but i've had half of it written for a long time and i thought i'd just get it out there for u guys so u know i'm alive.
i'm bleaching my hair what color do i dye it?
also —> do u guys want my ao3 it's where i'm wanting to post some of my nsfw drafts and shit that i don't wanna post here
lmk
[t]