The Struggle For Love ✔

Chapter 32 - Cristian's promise

– Sunday, June 4th, 2018 –

Finnley insisted on walking to the restaurant. It's a good twenty-minute walk, but he assured he was feeling strong enough to walk that far. He insisted, because he said he could use a bit of fresh air, and we could always call my parents to come and pick us up if needed.

So, I agreed, and we started walking.

We walked hand-in-hand, talking about sweet little nothings; and mostly about childhood memories whenever we passed a spot that holds a memory.

Like the candy-story that is around the corner to my house, the ditch that separates our neighbourhood, and the next, where we always used to go and try to catch fish, or frogs, or anything else we'd find.

We talked about the kitten we once found in the bushes, that was picked up by its owner the same day – while Finnley and I had been bickering about who was allowed to take it home if nobody would pick it up.

We walked past the playground and of course we talk about how we met, and how we used to play in the playground for hours on end with our friends, or just the two of us.

Mainly the two of us, because nobody could ever keep up with us and the stories or adventures we came up with, because we were completely focused on each other.

It feels as if nothing is wrong and we're just two young adults on their way to a date. Just normal, untroubled people.

There's a lot going on though, but I don't want to think about that right now.

We're seated in the restaurant, and I really just want to have a fun night out with Finnley and be happy for a change.

Since it is Finnley who's with me, feeling happy isn't that hard, because every time he smiles or laughs, my heart flutters, my stomach flips and I feel all warm and giddy.

"Your most embarrassing memory." Finnley cocks his head and send me an amused smile.

"The moment I threw up when I was about to kiss Eva. I wanted to die."

"Oh, good one. She wanted to kill you for ruining her dress."

"Guess Eva and I both wanted me dead that night." I let out a laugh and he chuckles, nodding in agreement.

"I remember Jaimie kept reminding you of it for weeks and I wished I was there to see it, but then he showed me the video and I kind of felt bad for you."

"Were you already in love with me back then?"

"Yes." Finnley shrugs. "I think I knew something was different about my feelings for you when I was thirteen. I figured out my sexuality that year, but didn't really know what to do with it for a while and just hoped it would go away."

"I wish you would've felt safe enough to tell me before."

"Do you think you would've realised your feelings sooner if I did?"

"I don't know, would you have acted upon them sooner if I would've known?"

"Cris, darling, I already acted upon it. You just don't remember."

I squint my eyes, sending him an annoyed look. "When?"

"I don't know? A couple of months before shit went down? Emma's party. I kissed you when you were drunk, and you shoved me away. I thought you were going to punch me square in the face, but you kissed me back. If Emma wouldn't have interfered, I don't know when I would've stopped you."

"Ugh, Emma..."

"She is ill, Cris..."

"I know, but she interfered."