Fate's Exchange (Twisted Fate, Book 1)

Chapter Fifty-Two

The Brothers

Celestial Realm

Feeling the pain of a mortal death was nothing in comparison to the agony of knowing I was the cause of Alyssa's sadness. I watched from above, hating myself for what was happening to her, which was only reflected by my own loss at not being able to love her. I wanted to be noble and wished I hadn't been involved, that one of the other Brothers had gone to her instead so neither of us would be suffering, but it wasn't possible—I was too selfish.

If I hadn't gone, we never would have met, and there wasn't anything in any realm that could make me regret that. In time, she would feel better, and live a long, happy life filled with new love. Perhaps, if I fell... but it was too soon. Presenting myself in my true form now would leave me with regrets—she wouldn't notice my existence and I wouldn't be able to see her like I could here. Even if she did notice me, loved me the way she did David, not allowing her time to grieve would result in her feeling conflicted.

It wasn't an option.

"Brother?"

I looked up as the First Brother came into the room to sit at my side, nodding to the wall of water swirling with images I didn't want to see, but couldn't keep from looking for. Glancing back, I sighed. His back isn't turned anymore.

"You're watching her?"

"What did you expect? I need to make sure that she's okay," I said without averting my eyes from the scene. "Nobody said anything to me about her being there when David died." Narrowing my eyes, I turned my head to glare at the First and lowered my voice, "I never would have agreed to this if I'd known."

"We knew that," he said, and paused to let the implication take its full effect. Looking me over, he said, "You haven't reverted to your true form."

I looked down and shrugged, not caring enough to answer. The moment I reverted, this form would be lost forever. After having seen what that had made her feel when Tina left, I couldn't go for good without saying goodbye. Even if it didn't happen in her waking state, and despite the fact that she wouldn't consciously remember it, saying goodbye would bring a sense of closure she didn't even know she was missing.

Annoyed with his presence when I wanted to be alone, I asked, "Is there something I can help you with?"

"You have duties."

"And? I'll get them done. I always do."

Alyssa was crying, alone, and my heart felt like breaking.

"The Sisters are happy." The First rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. "Even though you defied them, the outcome is better than expected. You can't plan to experience love or loss or overcoming the adversity she faced."

"They were trying to build her character?" My voice rose, and I met his gaze again, narrowing my eyes to point like lasers. "You let the Sisters use us to treat Alyssa like she's what? Some sort of experiment?"

"No." He shook his head, nonplussed. "She isn't an experiment, Brother. When she turns eighteen, everything she's experienced will be relevant. The more she endures, the better."

"Why?" I crossed my arms. "What could be important enough to warrant such treatment?"

"I'm not sure, but everything—fighting, empathy, pain, love—it all matters when she turns eighteen."

"And you forgot to ask why that might be?" I felt like screaming. "Again, you listened with blind faith and no sense of curiosity? No desire for truth? Why wouldn't you want to know what all this was for?"

None of the Brothers would agree to becoming involved if we'd known how much pain would have been dealt to the girl. I shook my head in disgust. If this was what it meant to be a Brother now, I wanted no part of it. It was crude, heartless, and not at all just.

"I can't believe you," I said, my voice a whisper. Mimicking him, I leaned forward and leaned my elbows n my knees, sighing. "You should pay more attention to your duties as a leader so that we aren't tricked into following orders that lead our morality astray."

"There was a time you followed orders without question," he reminded. "That's what we are supposed to do. It isn't our place to contemplate the outcome of what we're asked."

"And I thought it was to protect humans that we were created." I turned my head and raised my eyebrow. If that isn't our purpose, what business do we have existing?

"We came first."

I stood, and the image before us blackened the moment I stepped away. "I don't care for your logic, Brother. What happened here was wrong."

"I agree," he said. "We were mistaken to have ever gotten you involved with the girl. Do you even know what love is? What she went through was for the greater good—do not question that. Ever. If you were wise, you'd get back to your duties and forget she exists, because to you, she doesn't."

Turning without a reply, I left the room, allowing the door to slam behind me. The door clicked open behind me and I could feel his scrutiny, but ignored it as I started down the hall, the Glory fading as I passed to mute the light where I passed. I kept walking until he was but a memory, knowing I would create a moment to say goodbye before reverting to my former self. It would have to be soon, though. In this form, my duties couldn't be performed.

But I was worried the memories I had built with Alyssa would fade if I let go of David. While we were together, it was a fool's dream to imagine that they would sustain me for years to come. Now I knew the memories—her laugh, her vanilla-scented hair, the moment she told me her idea of a perfect date near the end of our picnic under the stars would be to go to the hot springs in the caves outside of town—would haunt me. For as long as I existed, having lived for far too long already, being awake would be like a nightmare because it would take away from the dreams where I could pretend she was still a part of my life.

Closing the door to my quarters, I laid on the bed made of cloud, resting my arm over my eyes to block the Glory from within the walls from keeping me awake with its light. I closed my eyes and tried to dream, but my mind was as blank as I'd left the wall for the First Brother.

A tear fell from my cheek, another first in this mortal form—angels didn't cry.

We didn't love, nor hate. But we judged and meddled with humans like it was our right to do so. With my future tied to Alyssa so completely, how was it possible not to question what came next? And once that began, how did I stop regretting all that I had done before?