7 years ago.
It took them exactly 4 hours and 34 minutes. I counted every second that passed by as soon as they passed by the operating room doors. Each second that passed by ached my heart and soul.
'I'm so sorry Miss Im, we did everything that we could but unfortunately your parents didn't make it' the doctor said as softly as she could. 'I'm very sorry for your loss' the doctor said and bowed to me before excusing herself.
That was the line a girl named Im Ahyoung never imagined she would hear, ever. That line had destroyed all her hopes, dreams and wishes—it had destroyed her soul.
'Do you have any other relatives that you could call?' the nurse asked. I shooked my head slowly. The tears that was left from me crying earlier had dried out. My cheeks were tainted with dried tears. My eyes were numb. I was already too tired to cry again.
Growing up in a family of three—literally—could get lonely at times, but it was never lonely when my mom and dad were around. Now that I'm all alone, I don't know who I could hold on anymore, who I could lay my head on their shoulders when I'm feeling under the weather, who I can embrace to be stronger, who I can lean on in hopes I could live another day.
My parents didn't have any siblings, both of them were the only childs in their family, both of my grandparents are long gone, and I, I had always been the one and only child, the one and only favourite child and grandchild, the one and only legacy to this small family.
I was all alone now. My legs became weak as I slide down the wall slowly and dropped to the floor. I felt lifeless, I felt like there's nothing left in life and I felt like it was already the end of world. It was as if my whole world had crumbled—slowly before my eyes.
It felt so unfair that I had to continue this journey called life all by myself with no one to pull me back up when I fall, no one to lend their shoulder for me to cry on, their ears to hear me out, no one to tell me what's wrong and what's right, no one to be there to tell me that it's alright and I'm okay and everything is going to be just fine.
Although it hurts too bad for my own good, although it aches my heart and soul too much but deep down I know—I know I'll have to get back up on my own because sooner or later I'll have to accept the fact that I'm alone now. There's just me, myself and I.
—
I looked myself in the mirror. Never have I ever imagine I'd have to wear this outfit to attend my own parents funeral.
I took a deep breathe and looked at my reflection on the mirror. 'you got this' I mumbled softly. 'you got this either you like it or not' I said to myself.
I wiped my cheeks as soon as a tear rolled down. 'no, no more tears which means no more crying' I said to myself again. I closed my eyes and took another deep breathe.
'you'll live off the upcoming days for the rest of your life normally. you have too' I thought to myself.
I took my stuff and rode a cab to the funeral house. People came and left after paying their respects to my parents. Some of them I recognised from all those business parties my parents hosted, a lot of them I've never seen before.
It was hard. It was hard not to cry everytime I glanced at their picture. It was hard not having anyone I knew that could tell me that I'm alright. It was hard not having anyone to just hold me tight at times like this, it was hard not having anyone to make me feel safe and secure.
People continued to come and go as the hours pass by, some giving encouraging words to me and some just smiled weakly at me. All I did was nod back.
I felt so emotionless. It felt like everything was in black and white. I felt so...lost—because everything just felt so unreal. I lost the only two precious person in my whole life in a blink of an eye. They're gone and they're never gonna come back.
After a lot of people came, it was already time to call it a day. Shortly after it was time I could go home, I closed the lights, letting the lights from the hallway shine through the room. I sat in front my parents picture and stared at the picture before I broke into tears.
I had enough holding them back. I just cried softly—mostly because I was already too physically and emotionally exhausted from crying too much. Partly was because I didn't want to bother other people there and I didn't want to let people see me in this state—so weak and useless.
—
hi hello! i'm back!
