Always Be With You

#11 - Future

Monday,
February 5, 2018

You know those times when the room and it's people are very loud yet you feel like the world is muted? Wait, let me rephrase that in a simpler way.

When the room is loud yet you don't hear anything. Damn that's even more terrible but you get the point.

No, I'm not deaf. My hearing senses are still normal.

"You've been looking at the same exact paper and the same exact page for about 10 minutes now. I'm starting to think that you're daydreaming."

"More like blanked out," I cut.

"You're really blanked out?" Dawn asked. "No idea at all, would rather toss this in the can."

I continue to tap my pen on the table, spinning it with my hands once in a while. Scratching the side of my head before breaking into a "Hmm," kind of pose. Looking like someone in deep contemplation but in reality I have absolutely no idea.

'University Plan'

That is what's written on top of the white piece of paper filled with many text boxes and check boxes. Of all the empty boxes, the only filled section was my name, class and bio-data. That was only one part of the paper and I have about three or four more pages to fill.

I lift my head up, looking at the spider crawling beside the clock in the wall. I guess spiders don't have to think about their future and all now don't they? I mean, all they do is crawl here crawl there. And they don't even have to bother thinking of a job, nor buying a house. They don't even have to think about tuition fees.

Look at it now, I bet it's making it's own web there. Anyone unlucky enough to take off that clock off the wall would be terrified the next second if that thing leaps on them. It's probably about the size of my palm, though I bet people would even realize its existence there. I'm small after all.

Wait why am I even talking about spiders?

Oh right, the fact that I just knew that Nicky is an extreme arachnophobe—meaning he's phobic or scared of spiders. Known to be one of the most common phobias in the world aside from fear of rats or snakes or germs. Three to six percent of the global population, and Nicky is one of them.

"I had it since I was like in primary," he said. Explaining about the things that led to his fear of spiders. One of them being the time when he was shaving and is looking upclose at the mirror, when a palm-sized spider appeared from behind the mirror and caught Nicky in fear.

What happened afterwards?
He didn't finished shaving. Instead, he used the spayer in his garden since the sink wasn't functioning that time. And it took him about a week to actually use that bathroom while having a baseball bat everytime he showers.

Nicky. I wonder is he feeling the same thing as I am right now? Not about the spider but about this stupid paper.

I don't recall him talking to me about his college and future plans, or even what he wanted to be in the future. An author? Scriptwriter? Athlete? Filmmaker?
I have absolutely no clue.

It feels weird now that I think that how a girlfriend doesn't even know the plans of his guy in the future? Shame on me? I would probably say so.

"You okay? You look, confused."

"Y-yeah, I guess so. I'm still indecisive," I replied.

Nicky took a seat beside me and rest his paper and pen on the table. Revealing a full concrete filled written paperworks that is completely the opposite of mines. I leaned to him a little, trying to take a peek on what he has written and writing now.

"What's up?" he responds while still glued to his paper. "Nothing, just wondering. You never told me about your future plans so I'm quite curious now."

"Oh yeah right," he placed his pen down and hands his paper to me. I grabbed it and began to skim through all the scribbles and names of Universities he wrote.

'Preferred Major: Film Making'

I spontaneously pointed at that text and looked at Nicky with my eyebrows lifted. He nodded and smiled. I shook my head in comprehension.

'Are you planning to go abroad? 'Yes''

Once again I pointed and looked at Nicky, and once more he nods and smiles. I placed the paper one a gave him a skeptical look. "You never told me about this."

The next thing that comes into my mind is the phrase "You never ask," and it would be one hell of a smack in the face for me.

"We never talked about it somehow now that I think about it. But I guess you know now of course," his reply being that of a similar one in my head. "So, you're actually leaving the country?"

"Pretty much so, I mean, they've accepted me already. Now it's just tuition fees and the living costs that I need to worry about. I was about to tell you soon, say if I came to your house this weekend," he briefly explained, leaving my jaws dropped and eyes wide open.

For as long as I've known him, I never had the idea that he would be talented in film making. He never present any hand made films in class—aside from the short video he made for my birthday last year that I wouldn't consider to be one.

I contine to read the form, flipping through one page after another before finally tightening and handing it back to him. Leaving me with my blank form once more, still clueless of how to complete it in the next ten minutes. "You good?" he asked. I silently nod.

He continued to write on the last page of the form before finally planting his signature on the bottom right corner. "I'll go first yeah?" he stood up and placed the form on the basket in front while I'm still stuck in my own world. Boring.

Just as Nicky was about to pass me, he tapped my shoulder and leaned down. "Smile a little, it wouldn't hurt," he whispered.