teenagers ; frerard

S E V E N T E E N

g e r a r d

"come on, gee. please come out, mom and dad are worried about you" my brother mikey pleaded from the other side of my door. i muffled something completely out of the norm, not knowing what i even said and continued to ignore the voices from outside.

i hadn't left my bed in so long i was almost positive it was attached to me permanently. not even my own appearance was familiar to me anymore, as i hadn't looked in a mirror either for the past week.

i ran a hand through my tangled black hair, hopefully letting a few knots spring free from their greasy state. i stank. i haven't showered, haven't eaten, haven't brushed my teeth nor changed my clothes.

i was miserable.

i loathed myself.

writing those letters was the only thing keeping me sane each day, and they were the only reason why i chose to wake up and write paragraphs upon paragraphs including everything i loved about frank.

there wasn't anything else i hated more than my fucking ignorance and idiocy. how could i have not known that my own god damn best friend was going through something like that, and not even help him?

multiple knocks were imbedded onto my door, making me shift positions every few seconds in bed.

"go away" i called out, burying my head further into the soft material of my pillow.

"dad's playing david bowie on the tv. he's trying to lure you out" mikey chuckled, although it wasn't funny. nothing was worth laughing about anymore.

"can you please leave me alone, mikey? i'm really tired and i just wanna be left by myself, please" i replied, earning a deep sigh on the other side of the door.

"alright. well mom's making chocolate sundaes for dessert, you can come down if you want to" my brother informed me, the faint sound of footsteps being heard before coming to a stop.

i don't want to feel like this anymore.