Today I Met The Girl I'm Going To Marry | jensoo

Chapter 46

I'm convinced my heart is going to explode.

It's beating that fast after I ring Jennie's doorbell.

I don't think it's healthy for it to be going this rapidly.

As the door opens, two thoughts send my already racing heart into overdrive.

What if Hanbin's home?

I might lose my nerve if he is.

Scratch that, I know I will.

The second thought, and the one that is more terrifying, is I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to say.

I probably should have decided that before I came over.

Well, I guess I can't be faulted for that, seeing as I only decided a few seconds ago to lay it all on the line.

But I should have stayed in the car and rehearsed the speech I'm going to give.

I could have edited and tweaked it to my hearts content.

Maybe I need to go back home and I'll return when I've gone through several drafts.

Yeah.

That's exactly what I think would be the right thing to do.

No, no, that's just my nerves talking.

My intentions haven't changed.

I'm going to get everything off my chest.

Everything.

That's the plan at least.

Hopefully I don't chicken out.

"Hey," Jennie says after she opens the door.

Yes!

No Hanbin!

Well, no Hanbin that I can see.

Jennie looks as apprehensive as I feel.

I step inside the entrance way and take a couple of deep, relaxing, soothing breaths that don't work at all.

I'm a wreck inside.

That doesn't mean I'm leaving but I wish I felt calmer.

"Hey," I reply as my eyes scan Jennie's place for Hanbin's unwelcome presence.

I don't see him anywhere.

We stay in the entrance way and my mind is still blank on how best to approach the subject of my feelings.

"Hanbin's playing basketball with your brother," Jennie informs me like she can read my thoughts.

I'm glad I didn't have to ask that question.

I nod my head as I cross my arms across my chest. "What are we doing?" I blurt out rather brusquely.

Sigh.

I don't want to start this conversation off by putting Jennie on the defensive.

"Never mind," I say quickly before Jennie can answer.

Jennie seems so on edge that I want to comfort her despite the uncertainty we're facing.

"About earlier, you know with the meeting this morning..." she starts.

I hold my hand up to stop her. "I didn't come here to discuss that."

I know it seems like I should hear her out and maybe I should.

But I've come to a realization while I've been wracking my brain for any ideas on where to begin what I'm sure will be an emotional ride.

As much as I wish that Jennie knows exactly what I'm feeling, that's not possible or fair for me to expect of her.