Dream On Fire

(8) I guess Ill just thank you...

I write this while crying my heart out...
I have no makeup but I can see a clear stain of
wet in my pillow...
I am wrapped up like a little burrito and cry myself what I feel... I cry so much that when I walk around my home I have to remain quiet or tears will come out instead of words...

Yesterday I was asked by a really close person if I was ok... i pretended to be confused and said yes...

I did what I do best... stay strong... then today...

I was asked from two more persons that (to be honest) I don't talk to that much but they noticed my silence...
the silence caused by a lump in my throat I don't know how to let out...
yet again I stayed strong... I can't seem hurt... they won't understand...

If they see me crying I'll have to explain... the problem is I don't know how to, do I say I have a one sided crush? They'll probably think it's so dumb for me to cry...

I don't know how to explain that I'm sad not because of sadness but because of this euphoric feeling within me every time I see him... every time he smiles... every time he laughs... I feel this joy and love for him in ways I couldn't measure at least not with math...

Then I found my own ruler... a ruler that betrayed me since it has become my tears...

If I had one thing to say to him I'll say... thank you... but I wouldn't be able to express it in words so I cry... I write... I can't tell you.. I don't know how... but with this "episode/chapter" I want to say what I wouldn't be able to...

Thank you for listening to me when I said I had a crush on you... thank you for accepting my not-so-anonymous valentines gift... thank you for feeling happy over my lame jokes and conversations I could barely have with you... and thank you for making me feel this immense love towards a person I know has always been nice to me... you never wanted to hurt me... and I don't want to hurt you with my tears... so I'll hide it with my best smile... so you can only see what I have put so much effort in... just for you... thank you for showing me pain and love in the best way possible...