so it's uh been awhile. lots of shit has happen including breaking up with the girl this book was made for. lol i reread this and i just... cried. because back then everything was perfect. but all good things come to an end.
in the beginning of this book i was extremely gay, but i'm a bi bitch now 😤, love me some dick and pussy too 😔. lots of bad shit happened durin the late summer, i came out to her, she reacted very wrongly. she yelled at me a lot and honestly abused me mentally, but guess how fucked up i am, i still love her.
ig that's why people say her an i's relationship was toxic because even after all the shit she said to me and called me names i still loved her and guess what, i still love her, it's stupid.
breaking up with her was good, it'll be good soon i just need to get through my shit rn. i started cutting lmao and i can't stop so like that's fun. i got no idea when i started writin this book if you wanna call it that, i'm guessin before her an i's anniversary tho
they say you can have like 2-3 loves in a lifetime so i'm hopin i can fall in love with my best friend who just so happens to be in love with me, she's literally everything i ever wanted in someone, she's unexplainably hot, kind, protective, a daddy, cute and when she's jealous she's hot not scary. but my dumbass still wants my ex so like what the hell
anyways i ain't gonna write each reason why i broke up with her bc one that'll take too long and two i wanna go to sleep and third oomf is wanting to cuddle me so yeah. maybe i'll finish this tmr ion know yet. but this is the last chapter bc my ex and i's story has ended, now it's time for a solo story on my road to recovery
i recently blocked you on all social media's except here. ig this is closure idk. but i really do hope you heal properly, i was being a dick to you earlier today about everything, i've been a dick to you since we broke up because i want you to leave me alone. i've been trying to get you to hate me but it is just so fucking hard. and i'm trying to hate you but i just can't. i cant do anything right but we already knew that. shit you may not see this bc i don't think you follow me on here, yeah you don't follow me.
we met on this app so idk i think it's appropriate to leave on this app. i'm so in love with you, i really am. i only wish you the best of the best. but hey at least you discovered your kinks with me, that means you'll be prepared when you get another gf or just talking to someone sexually... ig that is a good thing. i'll always remember you, you'll always be my first love and some other firsts. i thank you for everything, please pass your college exams and stuff, become the best engineer, i wanna hear about you and be like aye that's my first love. it sounds stupid but even when i get married i'll remember you and thank you, i'll tell my kids about my first love and everything else.
i think we should've broke up during last october, i was happy you found out the truth and i didn't care about hiding it because i wanted you to know the truth i didn't know how to tell you. at the time i was excited that you didn't break up with me but looking back maybe you should've, most people would've broken up if they found that out.
i could never picture myself being in a wedding dress marrying someone and having kids, ever, even when we were together i just never could imagine it, but i wanted it. even now i can't picture myself marrying someone and having kids. we used to talk about having kids so much, billie and sydney both girls. i remember the one time you got mad when i said i wanted a mixed kid, latino and black. you wanted our kids to be like us. i never wanted to marry someone so much till i met you, it's crazy honestly.
i really really wanna be talkin to you 24/7 but i know i can't bc that isn't fair, for many reasons. i'd get in the way of you trying to get into another relationship and that wouldn't be fair to erica.
