Back In Time || Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart FF || Discontinued

Chapter 21: Un-learning

Joongi POV
We spoke about the past a good deal. Ha Jin mentioned details of nightmares she remembered and I attempted to recollect what I knew of each event. She has a book where she recorded her nightmares. When she went for work, I poured over it and maintained my version of the events in a separate book.

Her nightmares stopped.
We didn't know it was temporary. We had become closer.
But something felt wrong.
I couldn't point out what was wrong.
The sex was frequent.
The giggles, smiles and teasing was also frequent.
She worked. I told her I'd stay for few more days.
Hana said she wouldn't be at her place for a while so it was pointless for me to go back to her place.
She said she was dating again but gave me no details regarding her lover. I didn't probe. I was curious but I wasn't inquisitive. Her happiness and peace of mind was more important. And knowing Hana, if she wanted me to know, she would scream it into my ear drums.

I was happy.
I was content.

Ha Jin seemed happy.
She seemed content.

She slept better.
She wasn't eating well.
She never really ate much.
But it was worsening.
I spent a month by her side.

She lost weight.
But she seemed happy.

I was afraid of bringing up anything worrisome for fear of damaging the relationship.
She had lost weight.
It was showing.
And I realised that I have been selfish.
Everyday I fed her with stories of her life as Hae Soo and Wang So, hoping she would remember.
Everyday I fed her with memories of another life.

Without realising the effect it would have on her.

She didn't seem to mind; she would listen attentively.
She never asked questions.
But she seemed to listen.
"Something isn't right?" I said one night as I watched her slowly unzip her little red dress. She froze and then resumed unzipping.
I gulped as I watched her undress. She made me restless, always. And watching her undress, made my thoughts run wild.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I can just feel that... something isn't right. Did I pressurize you? With memories of another life?"

"I don't know Joongi. My nightmares have stopped but I-"

She staggered in her place. I moved towards her to support her. She was in her inner wear, a lovely lacy racy one.

She leaned against me and I hugged her lightly.

"I feel so lost. I feel good when I am around you. With you. At the same time, I don't know. I- I don't know who I am"

"Maybe you should treat all that I tell you as just a story"

"I tried"

And I realised that she was now crying. She has sunk into my arms and she was crying. I lifted her and placed her on the bed. Quickly settling next to her, I pulled her into my arms again and wrapped us under a warm blanket.

"But I can't take it as a story. My mind responds to your story. And I just feel so sunk in despair. I do not know where this grief comes from"

If Ha Jin was confiding and being so emotional right now, it must mean that she values and trusts me a great deal. That thought softened me.

"Is it because you feel Hae Soo's pain?"

"Maybe, I don't know. I also feel so much anger towards you! But then! I love you so much! You're Joongi to me! Not Wang So because I am not Hae Soo."

I smiled at her as she looked at me with bloodshot eyes.

"You are right. You are not Hae Soo. You are Ha Jin. Who I love so much" and I pressed my lips on her forehead. I felt her relax a little, "And Ha Jin-ah, I am not Wang So. I do not feel like Wang So anymore. I identify myself as Joongi"

"There is a painting. I need to revisit that museum. I keep thinking of this painting..."

"Where is it?"

"South Korea"

"We'll go together"

She nodded and snuggled closer, "Just a week more and then we'll go back"

"Yes"

"I - I love you"

I blushed and kissed  her softly on her lips.

"Thank you for loving me. I love you too, Ha Jin."

-Purple Poesy