Love And War (On Hold)

Warning

J a z l y n

Taylor and I have been hanging out a lot the past few weeks and it's really nice. We hang out at his house or at Tone's or the park when we both have time and just chill.

Taylor and I's situation is still confusing. Ever since John came back, I've been refusing to do anything with him - go out, meet him places, etc. Basically, refusing to be his bitch.

At first, he just continued to hit me and come back later, but it got to the point when his tiny ass brain realized that it wasn't doing shit because I still wasn't listening to his ass.

So. The last time I saw him, he threatened to make my life hell and I laughed in his face.

On accident.

It was just one of those moments when somebody says something that they don't even know is funny. Like, really nigga? I lived in hell for six years.

Anyways, that was two days ago. And before you call me crazy - Yes. I know John is dangerous. Crazy and stupid don't go together. Add a gun and you've got a real problem. And I don't have a death wish.

But at the end of the day, I know God didn't put me on this earth to be no thug nigga's bitch and that's not what I'm gonna be and that's not what my mother and aunt raised me to be. He has a better plan for me - one that doesn't include me being depressed and miserable again.

I've told Taylor about John and he took it at face value. John and I are not together - we never were - but he came to the conclusion that we're not either. He wants to take it slow. According to Taylor, I just got out of an "abusive relationship". I never saw it as a relationship, so I don't see it that way but I guess.

I don't want to take it slow. I'm tryna hit fast-forward and his ass is hitting pause. It's a little frustrating. I'm not saying we have to jump in a relationship, but damn, can we go on a date at least? We're not even friends with benefits. We're friends with no benefits and some flirting.

But I guess I shouldn't complain. At least I know he's not just trying to fuck.

I like having a guy I can have a conversation with and not notice it's been three hours. Someone who understands what I'm saying and listens with an open mind because they're not one to judge and someone who finds ways to make me feel like I'm beautiful because I haven't felt like that in a long time. It's really weird being this close to a guy, but I'm going with it.

Like now, we're at Taylor's apartment that he shares with Nick and Ro. Nick was out and Ro was in his room playing this loud ass video game. Taylor and I were in the living room watching old Disney Channel shows online.

"You're really trying to tell me you've never seen Kim Possible?" Taylor asked, looking at me like I was crazy.

"Yeah."

"You lyin'. I used to watch this all the time in middle school. You have to have watched this before."

"Maybe. I don't know. I didn't have cable growing up, so I didn't watch TV alot." I told him.

"So, you've never seen Even Stevens?"

"No."

"Corey in The House?"

"No."

"Phil of The Future?"

"No."

"That's So Raven?"

"No, Taylor. Dang."

"Damn. What a sad life." He shook his head.

"Not watching Disney Channel didn't ruin my life." I laughed.