Love Shouldn't Hurt (My Personal Experience With Emotional Abuse)

The Chameleon Pt.1

Still struggling with positive self image and other inner demons, I was urged to join Wattpad by a friend that I have honestly long forgotten... Sorry! Wattpad became an outlet that I enjoyed to do. I read, I commented clever or witty stuff, and then gained followers by those silly banters. I met some good friends this way that I talk to time to time on here when given the opportunity. I then began to write Fanfic and about the crazy events my life would ensue. I've accumulated a small following and I didn't have any intentions of getting as big as a 100, and I thank all of ya'll who got me there, if any of them are reading this. At the pique of CSTIASTP's success, one of my friends, I forgotten who, yet again, introduced me to my Ex. Or at least that's how I remembered it. It could've very well be that they found me and reached out to me under the facade they were a friend of a friend; or it may just be me remembering past events differently than they occurred.

Thus, our relationship began. I remember we would talk all day, every day. We shared funny moments, memories, thoughts, until it was time for us to go to sleep. Even then, we were reluctant to let go, almost as if we were afraid we'd never hear from each other again. We enjoyed each other's company, and shared our highest and lowest moments. Then as our friendship progressed I fell for them...Hard. And then the day came that my new friend reciprocated my feelings. We were inseparable, our love flourished and became something so beautiful yet at the same time, so dangerous. We exchanged numbers and began to call each other everyday, I remember we would have wonderful talks while they walked the woods of their home town barefoot in the cool evening while I was trapped inside doing something orchestra related or evading the heat of Texas. Everything seemed perfect to me, I gave them my love and affection and he in turn gave it back. But there was a slight problem.

My ex was allegedly 17, and I was 14 . My parents would've never approved of me dating an older person even by three years. Even if the Romeo and Juliet law that acts in Texas says it's okay for an 18 year old to date someone who is at the most three years younger than them, my parents would reject the idea. So I NEVER told my parents, and kept my love life secret; and I regret that so much... My significant other and I started to get serious, we talked about meeting up when I was old enough to drive. They wanted me to come to school where they lived so we can be in close proximity and I desperately wanted that as well. We even talked about getting married. I was so in love with them... that I would do anything they wanted me too. If I went as far to meet them when I'm older, I'm not really sure what they would do. Would they take advantage of me? Would they just sleep with me and then leave me? I wish I have those answers....

After the "honeymoon phase"- which refers to a phase in a relationship where new couples are lovey-dovey towards each other- our love then started turning sour, and I should've known from the beginning that I was falling for a horrible, terrible, stupid trap. There were red flags everywhere now that I look back, of course, I've never noticed them because I was so immersed in the affections of my ex and being loved by someone who wasn't family or just a friend. And I'll admit, some of the signs I simply ignored thinking "I know my love, I know who I am dating. They would NEVER." How naive I was. Oh how simple minded I was to people and their ways of deceit, and my stubborn will to try to see the good in monsters masquerading as people.

My ex liked everything I liked: bands, books, shows, etc. But there was always some blank space between some of the stuff we had in common. They knew some of the stuff I liked to exquisite detail, yet was ignorant about other pieces of information regarding the same subject. It's almost as if someone read a Wikipedia page about the civil war before the proceeded to take a test and do a presentation on that time period. They did splendid in connecting what led to the war but they are unaware of exactly why the war was happening to begin with. You can tell that that person did not study what-so-ever, and the same goes with my ex. I remember talking about bands I liked which included an Indie band that came from Houston that named themselves after the Heights, a place in downtown with lively restaurants and stores. They were called Astra Heights and my mom is good friends with the band and their family.