Idol | BTS ( discontinued )

16. Second Goodbye

And I still want you. 

BTS : The Truth Untold

-

Amy smiled at herself in the mirror. A painful smile. How ironic that she was here, in Busan. His hometown. Yet, she didn't get to see him. She came here to let him go from her heart. To say goodbye forever and move on with her life. But she couldn't help but feel greedy. She really wanted to see him. Wouldn't that tie up the goodbye well?

She wanted to see him happy, doing what he loved, maybe even in the embrace of someone he loved. She hoped to see a brilliant smile light up his face, which would dull all the stars in the universe in comparison.

A small part of her hoped and hoped for this miracle. A hope that was now re-instated on hearing about Gigi's meet with Taehyung. It was a hope she was trying to bury, but as a terrible weed, it emerged from the depths of where she buried it, twisting its way through her fragile heart. She couldn't hide it, try what may.

She tried smiling wider at herself in the mirror. She wanted to be happy for Gigi. This was a big thing for her friend, and she didn't want to be a wet blanket. She had Daniel and their amazing kids, who she loved dearly. She had everything she needed.

The creepy smile finally fell off her face at the lie. Who was she kidding? She will always love Jungkook. Even if it wasn't romantic anymore, she knew she loved him.

Her heart clenched so painfully that she couldn't help but bite the inside of her cheeks. She had to distract herself from the pain thudding in her heart. A pain that had to begin to throb with powerful sadness the moment she realised the universe had messed with her yet again.

Again, there was no Jungkook. No matter how much she wished.

What did she ever do? Was she that bad a person to never get to meet him? Why couldn't she, try no matter how hard, never even glimpse the aura of Jungkook. All she asked was to be next to him, to see him with her own two eyes, to maybe shake his hands.

But it was all wishful thinking. And it hurt.

Why was his presence everywhere in this town?

Why did everything here remind her of him?

Why had she yet never seen him once, though?

Why was everything so painful?

Why was everything so ... lonely?

She knew she was being silly, dramatic even. But ripping the band Aid was never painless. And if she wanted to close the wound, she had to expose it first. Only then will the goodbye truly be final.

She didn't know when the tears had made their appearance. She noticed her vision was blurred suddenly, and she wiped her hands across her eyes hastily.

"No, I won't cry because of you. I am a grown woman," she spoke to herself. "No more will I allow you to have control over my life, Jeon Jungkook."

"S-so stupid ", she laughed out herself, sarcasm dripping from her words as the tears dripped down her cheeks. "P-pathetic "

She gripped her head in her hands and softly sobbed. With her eyes wide, her chest heaving, she looked crazy. She felt crazy. "Why? Why me?" she sobbed hard, crouching down in the middle of the hotel room.

As sudden as the shift of the clouds over the moon, anger clouded her despair in her heart. "S-stop this madness. You are married, for heaven's sake. How can you even be pining over another man? Jungkook is just another character in your life. A memory. Nothing more. You haven't even met him. SNAP OUT OF IT... Daniel. Daniel is the one. Just stop." she cried into her hands.

"J-just please, stop searching for him. My dear heart, please, let him go. It hurts me." she pleaded with her broken heart. Her fingers clutched her shirt over her heart in pure agony.

She sobbed harder when she realised the weight behind her words to herself. It was no use. No amount of goodbyes will ever have her heart stop loving him. Jeon Jungkook had never met her. Yet, he had managed to have her wrapped around his finger. He had managed to have her bind herself to him, from miles away, even when he never asked for it.

And that's the thing. He never asked. He never wanted. He never needed her.

She climbed to her bed with a heavy heart, continuing to sob. She wrapped herself in the warm blanket and twirled the silver ring on her finger. The twined ornament gleamed in the late evening light. She continued to twirl it again and again. She then pulled it out and stared into the inside of it.

Nestled into the depths of the twisted silver ring was engraved with the beautiful initials JK. She remembered getting this ring from Gigi as a birthday gift in college. She loved it, of course, and wore it every day until her wedding. The ring had been her constant support through hardships, like a talisman. She would twirl it whenever life got too hard, and she would instantly calm down because it reminded her of BTS and her heart mellowed down instantly.

Now it did the job again. She began to calm down. She slipped the ring back into her finger and opened her phone. She scrolled through her gallery to the very beginning. There she stared at the softest picture of Jungkook she had stored.

It was her favourite, and he was very young but still handsome. He was grinning, and his eyes crinkled at the corner. And, of course, his bunny smile gleamed. His bright doe eyes sparkled with mischievous wisdom.

She loved it all. How could anyone not love him? Amy had never felt more alone, more cut-off from everything in life than she felt at that moment.

Lonely, scared, in pain... and heartbroken.

Dusk had settled outside, and the day was ending, but her pain was nowhere near done.

I guess this is the second goodbye. Cry it all out, my dear heart. After tonight, you'll bleed no more for him. 

-

A/N : Hello

I hope you all had a wonderful day. Keep you spirits up as better days are coming your way. 

Smile a little for me. 

-K