Digital Souls | Running Away From Love: The Prodigy

Dive

JASON

I rested my legs crossed up on my desk. Watching my screen as I fidgeted with my pen that had the initials J.L.S. engraved on the side. From my office window I could see into the parking lot. I could see who is arriving, I could see who is leaving. I spotted Rhon and Sabrina leaving for lunch. Katana wasn't with them. That means she is either working herself too hard today, or she is simply staying away from Sabrina and would rather eat lunch alone. I hadn't really gotten to hang out with her, since she came with me to my parents house for Thanksgiving.
I shot Katana a text.

Me: wanna grab lunch?
Katana: maybe. I've got a lot to finish up.
Me: rest your brain a while. Take a break.
Katana: I'm swamped in flash drives and sketches to scan.
Me: lol. Well then as your boss, I insist that you take a break.
Katana: no special treatment, Jase. And is that how it's gonna be? You ordering me around?

Are you kidding, woman? You don't let anyone boss you around.
Me: Well, I am the boss, and I can get in trouble by the city if you don't take your lunch. within a two to four hour time frame. Plus, I'm hungry.
Katana: tell you what? If I get to skip lunch today, so that I can get this done the way I want to, you can take me to dinner. Your terms.
Me: seriously? Don't play with my emotions, Kuma!

Even though, that's all you've been doing.

Katana: yes. I'm sorry, Jase. I really want to get this finished. I don't have much left, and I won't have to worry about it when I leave here today. I have a boss that I've always been punctual with when it comes to work. I tend to keep it that way.
Me: I can respect that.
Katana: thank you, Jase.
Me: tell me what has to get done. I can come and help you.
Katana: no special treatment, boss.

Haha! Stubborn ass girl.

Me: You're unbelievable, you know that?
Katana: no you are. But thank you for the offer.

H'oh.. the shit I can offer you, beautiful.

I couldn't stop thinking about her and the way she was so affectionate with me at her parents house. Especially during the jar tradition. She had her head resting against my body. When I wrapped my arm around her body, her soft warm body that smelled like heaven; That random make out session in the bedroom, made it feel surreal that we were there, together. I know she only has me friend zoned, but I'll take it.

When we were at my parents for Thanksgiving, I was outside on the back patio with my father having a beer. Katana was in the kitchen with my mom and Paige, talking about who knows what. They were laughing together and hugging her, and she looked genuinely as happy as she did when we were at her parents. I could see her from the patio. There was a moment when she eyed me from the kitchen island while eating her apple pie. It was the same vulnerable look she kept on her face during desert, when we were talking about Kat.

My dad gestured at the kitchen window with his cigarette while he held his beer, "So, when are you really gonna bring in that gem in there?"
"Paige? She'll be able to start at Gemu once she finishes her degree."
My dad laughed as he stared at me like I was stupid, "No, Lewis. You know exactly what gem I mean." He smiled with a side smirk as he blew smoke out of his lips.
I looked my dad in the eyes. I laughed because I really thought he was talking about his daughter. I never lie to my dad or my family about what's going on with me or anyone. No matter how blunt the situation.

"Dad, I really do like her. A lot. I was actually in denial that I didn't when I first saw her but, I had to play it off and I was kind of a dick to her in our company chatroom.." I went on about the things I would say to her and how she brushed it off with a good attitude.
Dad lowered his brow and shot me an appalled look that screamed, "You dick!"
"You're a dick, Lew!" My dad said blatantly.

I scratched my head and continued, "..yeah I know. So.. she was always such an angel to me no matter how I came at her. And then one day, I apologized, and that was it. Now I'm afraid to just be her friend because I'm always going to feel more."

Dad tossed the butt of his stogg on the ground and stepped on it with his shoe. "Don't you think you should tell her before it's too late?"
"What more do I need to say? She was this affectionate with me here as she was at her parents. I know I was just as affectionate with her. Everything I've been throwing at her has been real. She's into me just as our friends say, but I don't want to force it forward if she doesn't want to."

Dad looked inside the kitchen window and watched Mom, Paige, and Katana for a second. He smiled and shook his head and laughed, "Mom played hard to get with me too. So don't give up on her so quick. I like Katana, Lewis. I can tell she's afraid to be with you for some reason. She definitely isn't ordinary, Lew. Let's go inside. You're girl awaits you." He winked. I was frustrated in defeat.

She genuinely had my family, and it's hard to get my mom and my sister to like anyone.

Yeah. I think might hold off on trying anymore. I can see she stops herself from being close to me whenever she feels something. I know she does. How can you be so affectionate with someone and expect them not to fall in love with you.
I think I've tried long enough. I'm not gonna give up. I am simply just going to back off for a while. It might help me to see if Katana is still who I really want.

It's gonna hurt to steer away. But I can't keep letting myself walk right into disappointment. She's scared to fall in love with me. I can't and will not force her feel any different. I feel like I've tried everything under the sun to make her feel like everything is going to be okay.

I'm gonna be the perfect phantom boss that I've always been. I don't want to be first one to initiate anymore. Maybe that's what it is. No more calls, no more texting. I'll see her on chat, no DMs.
It's gonna take everything in my heart and soul not to break.

Fuck, I.. I don't want to do this.

I can hear her voice in my head telling me "Then don't." I have to pull away, to see if I should even stay away, on my own.

I met with Kenji today about going to his class to do a presentation. I haven't hid anything from him since I met him. He has that vibe just like his sister. I can open up to him about anything and he won't judge. Minus the Katana hating me because I'm rich part. I didn't hide anything from him now, if he brought anything up about her and I, and he did.

After our meeting he asked, "So has my sister come around yet?"
I looked at him like I didn't know what he was talking about, "To.?" I asked.
"C'mon. You treat her like a queen, and she's nothing but dismissive of it all."
He continued, "I know you're in love with her, but she's scared."
"Yeah, but of what?" I asked.
Kenji sat back in his seat and drank his coffee, "She's usually the one in charge, I don't know what it is, this time." He laughed and playfully punched my shoulder,
"I have a feeling that it's based on passed relationships. But, that's also a question you're gonna have to ask her yourself. With you.. I just don't understand. She's genuine Tana with you. It's all over her face."

He chuckled and continued, "You're also the first dude that's ever stepped foot in my parents home, and after meeting my father, was able to sleep in his home the same night with no third degree questions asked." Kenji raised his brows at me and shifted his eyes to the floor in a gaze. He nodded slowly in agreement to himself.

And there it was. He explained to me that he knew exactly how I feel for her, and exactly how she feels for me.

But I just can't believe it. When she is affectionate with me, it's surreal to me. Because I want it to be real.

He left me with a lot of thoughts flying through my mind.