Find my way back to you |calum hood|

N I N E

Ariana's pov

|This chapter contains self harm|

I ran out of the dressing room and back to the bus, not even stopping for fans, I would come back out once I was ready, I quickly wiped off my makeup and put on some jeans and a top and shoes before going back outside, I put on my fake smile as I walked up to the fans, "Sorry I rushed past earlier, I forgot extra clothes to change into so Calum gave me his shirt so I could quickly run out to the bus and change" I said laughing a fake laugh, "Why are your eyes all puffy Ariana? Have you been crying?" a fan asked, she must have been about 12, "No, I'm okay! I'm perfectly fine" I reassured her, "Are you sure?" she asked, "Yeah, I'm fine" I said smiling.

After about fifteen minutes of talking to fans and signing things I bid them all goodbye and went back to the bus where I broke down in tears.

I hated this.

I hated them.

I hated me.

I hated everything.

I hated life.

I went to the bathroom and picked up my razor.

I done something I hadn't done in months, I dragged the blade across my wrist a few times, across the faint scars.

I watched as the blood poured out of my arm.

I rinsed the blade and my arm, drying it thoroughly before looking at the new scars.

I closed my eyes and blinked back the tears.

I looked back down at my wrist.

Marianne would be so disappointed in you.

That one statement kept running through my mind.

Just the thought of my sister being disappointed in me made me sick to my stomach.

I stood up from the bathroom floor and went to the bunks where I quickly changed into my pyjamas and pulled out my phone, dialling my mums number.

"Hi Ariana what's up?" my mum asked, "I hate it here mum" I said trying not to cry, "Oh come on, it can't be that bad" she said, "It is mum, it's so bad, today during my show they stole my clothes I was due to change into! I had to run out to the bus with just Calum's top on" I said, tears falling down my face, "Calum gave you his top?" she asked, "Yeah, he's being oddly nice, he keeps sticking up for me when the others do something but it doesn't change the fact about what he did and everything he's done and said to me" I said, the tears continuing to fall down my face.

"I just don't get it mum, when we're in public or with fans or whatever they're so nice, they're like really nice people, and they seem like the people I was to be friends with, but then when it's just then and I alone they're like these monsters, constantly bringing me down and pointing out everything that's wrong with me, I hate it, I hate them, they constantly pick out every flaw I have, all of the stuff I see wrong about myself, they just pick at and make my insecurity even worse, mum, I really don't like it. I thought this was going to be a fresh new start, away from everyone who made my life hell, I thought it would be a good thing, but its turned into a nightmare. I don't know how much more of it I can take mum" I said, tears rollin down my cheeks, "Mum I really hate it. I want to come home" I said, "What about your fans baby? You don't want to let them down because of four stupid boys, do you?" mum asked, "I'm thinking of myself for once, and I hate it here so much" I said.

"Have a think about it before making any decisions, think about your career and your future, don't let people bring you down baby, you're beautiful and talented" mum said, "Okay mum, i'll think about it, bye I love you" I said hanging up.

I wanted to go home so badly.

I couldn't take another moment being with them.

I just couldn't bear it.

I heard movement from outside my bunk and I opened my curtain to see the four boys staring at me.