Find my way back to you |calum hood|

T E N

Ariana's pov

"You heard, huh?" I asked wiping all my tears, they all nodded, "Well, I guess you'll all be happy, I'm leaving" I said, "Don't go Ari" Calum said, "Why shouldn't I go? Give me one damn good reason" I said, "Im so sorry" he said, "What?" I asked, "Im sorry" he repeated, "For what?" I asked, this should be good, "For ditching you at fourteen to become popular, for acting like a dick to you for the past four years, for acting like an asshole, for everything" he said, "You're not sorry Calum, you just feel sorry for me, I know the difference" I stated.

"We're all sorry" Michael said, "Yeah" Ashton and Luke said, "We didn't know you felt that way" Luke said, "You don't know anything, that's why, you four are the reason I used to self harm, you four are the reason Im insecure about everything, you four are the reasons for me hating myself, you four are to blame for the scars on my wrist" I said, tears pouring from my eyes as I stood from my bunk.

"You four are to blame for everything I hate about myself, you're all the reason I hate myself. Do you know what it's like to look into a mirror and actually hate the reflection staring back at you? Do you know what it's like watching someone you called best friend for fourteen years make fun of your most insecure point? Do you know what it's like to be constantly called stuff by your best friend and the people he left you for? Do you know what it's like when the demons are no longer in your head but are actually at your school? No, none of you know what it's like" I said, letting the tears roll down my face.

"We really didn't know what we were doing to you Ariana" Ashton said, "We really are sorry Ariana" Luke said, "I feel so bad for everything" Michael said, "Im so sorry Ari, I really am" Calum said, "You're not sorry! None of you are sorry, you just feel sorry for me" I said, "We don't feel sorry for you Ariana, we truly are sorry for what we done and would love if you have us a second chance" Ashton said.

"Second chance? I don't believe in second chances. You don't get a second chance at life. Marianne taught me that" I said, allowing even more tears to fall, "What's that supposed to mean?" Calum asked, "You didn't know? Marianne commuted suicide two years ago" I said, "Marianne your sister Marianne?" Michael asked, "Yes, my sister Marianne, the one you called a slut in the airport, yeah that one" I said.

"We're so sorry" Luke said, I could see in all their eyes the same thing.

Regret.

"Yeah, well sorry doesn't take back her killing herself, sorry doesn't take back a sixteen year old me going into my nineteen year old sisters room to ask if she wanted dinner only to find her lying dead on her own bed, sorry doesn't take back all the things you four put me through while I was mourning over the loss of my big sister! My best friend! My only friend at the time! My big sister killed herself" I said sinking to the floor and crying.

At this point I didn't even know what I was crying over.

I didn't know if it was over everything I just spilled to them, over me missing Marianne, I didn't know what, all I know was that I needed to be hugged and told that everything was going to be alright, even thought it wasn't.

I just spilled everything to the four people I'm supposed to hate.

Calum walked over and pulled me into his arms, rubbing my back soothingly, "It's going to be alright" he whispered into my ear, "Im here, and I'm not leaving you this time Ari" he whispered, "Im sorry" he whispered, he just kept repeating those three things over and over again until I fell asleep in his arms.

Calum's pov

"I feel so shitty about myself right now" Ashton said, "Yeah same" Michael said, "Me too" Luke said, "Cal, mate are you okay?" Ashton asked, "I-I just left her and then I made her life hell, I'm the reason she self harmed, I'm the reason she hates herself, why can't she see how beautiful she really is? Oh yeah 'cause I'm an asshole who constantly put her down" I said, "It wasn't just you Calum, don't take it too seriously" Michael said patting my back.

"My best friend hurt herself constantly because of me" I said, "I can't believe how bad a person I am" I said.

"We're all going to hell" Luke said.

I can't believe she self harmed because of what we said to her.

I can't believe she hates herself.

I can't believe I left her.

Why did I ever leave her?

She's my best friend and I literally left her alone with no one.

I just decided one day I wanted to be popular.

And I lost the best person in the whole world due that one stupid, idiotic decision.

I'm such an ass.