10 things I want to do before I die

5 "Tell Fred that he was my first love interest."

A/N: Today, listening to "I will never love again" I wrote the end of this story and I cried. The ending is exciting and unpredictable. I can't wait to publish it in Chapter 10.

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Until the end of the week I didn't receive any calls from FP. My heart still hurt because of what he told me. It hurt more than the news that Hal had an affair with Penelope Blossom. On the other hand, I was wondering if I had done too hastily. We didn't talk about what is between us and in total he had the right to be embarrassed. Everything got complicated. Additionally, today I had additional tests at the hospital. I couldn't concentrate on anything since morning. I burnt the toast, didn't replace the scrambled eggs, and instead of sugar, I got salt for my coffee. I was trembling and the worst part was that I couldn't tell my daughter about it. Of course I could, but I didn't want her to worry.

After an unfortunate breakfast, I dressed and left the house. I told Betty that I was going shopping and that I would be back in a few hours. I got in the car, fastened my seatbelt and drove off.

On the way to the hospital, I tried to focus on the road. I tried not to allow myself to think about what the test results would be like, whether or I would ever talk to FP again. I was overcome by such feelings of helplessness that I almost hit a woman in the pedestrian crossing. I braked with a screech of tires and put my hands on the steering wheel. I took a deep breath and put my head on my hands, breathing loudly. Tears appeared in my eyes, and my thighs began to shake. "Fuck" I said loudly and straightened up. I punched the steering wheel loudly and looked at the mirrors. Behind me stood a few cars that blew on me. I wanted to get out of this car and show my middle finger. Longtime Alice Smith would do it. The present Alice Smith was afraid of her own shadow.

I took a deep breath, threw the gear and drive on. I parked at the hospital and got out of the car. I pulled a phone from my coat pocket and looked at the screen. Five calls missing from FP and four messages. I took a deep breath and wrote him a short message "Everything is fine" and I went to the hospital. I got off to the elevator and went to the second floor. I went to register and asked about Dr. Lewis and the room in which he was admitting. "Room number five".

 I went to a designated room and sat on a chair. An elderly woman sat next to me, very devastated, pale with a shawl on her head. This view was difficult for me to bear, because I was probably awaited by this fate. I was not worried about my hair because I knew they would grow back, but I was worried that I could be helpless, at the grace of my relatives.

"You're very beautiful, "I heard from her, and I turned to her and smiled.

"Thank you. You're beautiful too" I answered honestly because the woman was pretty, despite the fatigue she was really pretty.

" Thank you. That's how I feel. Because the most important thing is to be beautiful for yourself and not for others. If you feel beautiful, even looking as bad as me, everyone will perceive you as beautiful"

These words have stuck in my memory. I smiled broadly and nodded my head.

"Beautiful words" I said and I felt tears in my eyes.

"Beautiful, because they are real. There is nothing to cry, "she added and looked into my eyes."I have a third degree, apparently the worst, but I don't give up. My son and husband support me. The most important thing you have is here "she pointed her finger at her head. "Make your brain think that everything is fine, that nothing hurts you, that you have nothing to be afraid of. The brain can overcome even the most serious illness, "she added, and I nodded, smiling. 

This woman was really wise and told me very important thing.
The most important thing is to think optimistically.

"I have a suspicion of breast cancer. I have an appointment today for research, "I replied, I felt that I must tell her something about myself. "My mother is fighting cancer for about ten years without success.