Nicole's POV
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. What am I supposed to do? My best friend, who I made a promise to, is standing right outside the stall door, hearing me literally flush that promise down the toilet.
"Nicole, let me in! Please!" she cries, banging on the door with her fists.
A silent tear slips down my face. I have to do this. Just this once. I need to. I stick the fingers back up my throat and vomit again.
She hears this and starts screaming.
"Nicole! You can't do this!"
"Sorry," I rasp, barely audible, "but I have to."
"No, please," she pleads.
I wretch over the toilet, pushing all the food out until there's only bile left. A bit of blood comes up, which isn't too unusual. At least, I don't think it's enough for me to worry.
I brush away my tears and am about to push the lever to flush the toilet when Jess crawls under the stall door and peers into the toilet. She sees the blood and gasps.
"Okay, that's it. I'm sorry, but you need professional help," she says sternly.
"Jess, I really have this under control, please, can we talk about this another time?" I beg.
She laughs drily.
"You don't have it under control. You're a mess, don't you see how this is affecting the rest of us? You could die, so don't even talk about having it under control."
Ouch. I know I'm a mess, I guess I shouldn't be talking about control, but that hurt.
"I'm not gonna die, Jess don't be stupid," I retort.
"Oh, so I'm stupid now! I'm just trying to help, and yeah, you might not die yet, or at all if you're lucky, but I watched my cousin slowly reduce to nothing in front of my eyes, she was my favorite cousin and she DIED when I was only ten years old because she purged almost every time she ate! You know how much that hurts? And now to see you doing it..." she takes a shaky breath. "I can't lose you, Nicole," she whispers.
"I-- why didn't you tell me that?" I ask.
"Don't change the subject. We can talk about this later, but we need to. We'll sit down with Harry and Niall and Liam and we'll figure something out, but you need help."
"Fine, I get it. But as long as I have a say."
Jess nods and helps me clean up.
We sit back down at the table, where everyone is talking and laughing.
No one looks up from their conversation, except Liam.
"Are you okay? You were gone for a while."
I get ready to say I'm fine, my usual reply, but I'm not okay and even though I don't want him to worry, if I say I'm fine he'll know that I'm not and that will make him worry even more.
So I shake my head and look down.
He sighs. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shake my head, but then hesitate. Actually, I know he would never judge me and maybe he'll understand. So...
"Actually, yes, if you're up to it. But not now."
He nods and opens his mouth like he's going to say something, but then thinks better of it and closes his mouth. Then he starts talking to Sydney about something so I shrug and look back at my plate.
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I Want To Be Your Reason To Be (One Direction Fan Fiction)
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