All We See Is Sky For Forever ~ Kleinsen

Off We Go

Dear Evan Hansen,

There are things and signs in life that point for you to let go. Sometimes you feel it deeply in your heart, but you want to deny it because you think you know what is best for you. Sometimes these feelings can be negative, though, and you must keep pulling forward. I had let go, and I ended up with my arm in a cast.

If you feel as if there is something wrong, but you’re suppressing it with everything you’ve got, you need to focus on those feelings.

I needed to let go of Connor, and Zoe, and their family. It was extremely hard, but it all came down to where I knew that the truth had to come out, even if it caused so much harm. Things heal. But if you don’t let go, you’re only feeding the hurt you will feel when everything unravels. Forcing down what your heart wants will also be pretty damaging, because that also comes with some guilt.

Tune into your feelings. That is the very best thing you can do for yourself. It’s certainly helped me heal.

Sincerely,

         Me

Jared was back at Evan’s house for the weekend. His mom gave him the okay to stay, but Evan and his mom already expected that. Jared’s mom is pretty laid back, and she was okay with Jared doing whatever he wanted unless he ended up as a drug dealer or in prison.

Jared packed a whole suitcase, mostly filled with boxes of Hot Pockets.

“Because,” he explained. “If we have a fire, then we can roast them.”

Evan wasn’t sure that was how it worked, but he just let Jared be Jared.

Evan himself had packed the essentials: clothes, snacks, a toothbrush, earbuds, his phone, and his laptop. There was wifi at the cabin, so luckily, he’d be able to write more. He got most of his brain power at night.

Jared groaned when he saw Evan place the laptop in his bag. “Don’t keep me up at night with that, Hansen, or I’ll shave your eyebrows.”

Evan couldn’t help but chuckle. “Where do you even come up with these threats?

Jared let out a scoff, as if he had an intelligent remark already in mind. He pressed his glasses further up his nose. “Local meme dealers. Now let’s go, you’re packing as slow as a fucking sloth.”

That earned an eye roll from Evan. After packing a couple more things, he was at the door, suitcase in hand. It was one of those ones with wheels, and it was surprisingly light for its size.

Jared’s suitcase was bulky because of his entire Hot Pocket stash. Evan could tell that Jared had zero shame whatsoever about it, even after Evan’s mom had spent a good while eyeing it and asking if he wanted to keep some of his boxes in their freezer. Jared declined.

This was going to be a long roadtrip, and Evan was 100% sure Jared would call shotgun, even if that meant sitting up front with his mom.

Evan hauled his suitcase into the back of the trunk, and then helped Jared with his. It required two people.

“Ev, I'm not a wimp-nut like you. It's not even No Nut November yet, and I can tell you'll already fail. For being a fucking acorn,” Jared teased.

Evan lightly hit Jared’s shoulder. It was so light, you might not even consider calling it a hit. He just didn't want to hurt his friend. “You can't say those things in front of my mom,” he whispered. “Please.”

Jared snickered. “Yeah, maybe you're not a nut. You're more of a pussy.” He gave his signature wink.

Evan slammed the trunk shut. “Are you gonna sit up front?” Evan was already counting on taking the backseat. Where he could fully rest back and not have to worry about people being in the way.

Jared shook his head. “No. I wanna be near my Hot Pocket babies.”

Evan stared at him, thinking long and hard. “..Why are you smiling like that?”

Jared was smiling a little too seductively. His glasses pinned beneath his eyes, the way his eyebrows were quirked, and his stupid smirk. That was too much for simply talking about Hot Pockets.

“Like what, acorn boy?”

“Just get in the car.” Evan could feel the top ridges of his ears heating up. He knew Jared was only a buddy, but in his defense, if it were anyone else smiling him like that he probably would've felt the same exact way.

Evan shouldered into the car after Jared, staying as far away from him and his hideous smirk as he could. He made sure the car was unlocked and his seatbelt was unbuckled just in case he had to make a run for it.

Luckily, Evan’s mom appeared from the house. She threw her bags into the back, and sat in the front.

“Wanna keep me company up here?” she asked, tilting the rear view mirror towards Evan. Her blue eyes were now placed upon him.

Evan snuck a glance towards Jared. Jared seemed preoccupied with a broken fidget spinner he found. If Evan knew any better, he'd immediately say ‘yes’ and scramble up front. But more thoughts lingered.

“Nah. I'll take pictures for you here,” he promised. “The windows are better.” Evan had been getting into photography lately. Most of it was trees, and scenery.. and trees..

Evan was relieved that his mother didn't seem disappointed. In fact, her smile brightened. “Good! We can make an album out of those! The sky will be so pretty. Be sure to get really great ones.” She clicked in her seatbelt, and fastened her hands onto the wheel. “Sure you didn't forget anything?”

Evan grinned. “Mhm.” He chuckled to himself when he noticed the engine roared into life right after that response. Probably to go before Jared remembered he had forgotten another box of Hot Pockets.

“Wait, Ms. Hansen!” Jared exclaimed, but they were already off.

Why had Evan really chosen the backseat? He honestly and truly pondered this. It certainly wasn't to take pictures, but it looked like that was his goal now.

Something in his gut told him he needed to stay with Jared.

And damn, his gut couldn't have been any more right.