Give Me Love (COMPLETE)

TWENTY FOUR

TWENTY FOUR

They say that losing someone you love is unbearable; losing a parent is excruciating, but losing a child… you feel nothing but emptiness. I watched as the doctors broke the news of Noah to Emily, and I watched as her bottom lip began to quiver before her shoulders went limp and her head fell into her hands. She wobbled and shook uncontrollably, and then a sound escaped her lips that sent my body into a frenzy of shivers. One doctor reached out and patted her back, probably whispering a string of reassuring words – but what can you say to someone who lost their child?

Watching Emily sob brought more pain and anguish to myself and as soon as I felt tears sprout to my eyes, I let my palm drop from the window into her room, and backed away. I dropped my gaze and shuffled back to my room, leaving little drops of tears as I walked. The image of Noah laying lifeless felt like it had been burned into the depths of my mind. Upon entering my room, a wave of nausea hit me at the sudden realization that there had been too many lives lost recently. I staggered to the washroom, and heaved and heaved till my throat ran sore and the faint color of blood tinged my vomit.

The next night, I was in the midst of a nightmare reliving Noah’s death when I was shaken awake by a nurse. I looked up at her in question, but secretly relieved she woke me up so that I wouldn’t have to endure another repeat of losing Noah in my arms all over again. “What is it?” I asked, my voice cloudy with sleep.

“Jason? Jason’s awake, and he’s asked for you.” That’s all I needed to hear before I automatically shot out of bed, my eyes that were once filled with sleep were now wide open and I was ready to go wherever he needed me to be.

“Can I go?” I asked, my eyes darted over her shoulder and into the hallway.

“Absolutely – just, no running. He’s perfectly fine.” Relieved, I quickly inched my way out of bed, and mumbled a quick thank you to the nurse as I walked out. Thankfully Jason’s room didn’t take a hell of a lot of walking from mine, but the whole way there my teeth were chattering, and my hands shook with anxiety. What if he didn’t remember? Well, he asked for me, so that means he has to remember. My heart sunk – what would I say to him when he asked for Noah?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I whimpered, hastily wiping the hot tears from my eyes. “Not again.” I inhaled deeply and the exhaled – repeat.

I stood outside Jason’s room and balled my hand into a fist. I could do this. I will do this. “Help me, God.”  With my free hand, I pushed open the door and the minute I stepped in, our eyes locked and he knew.

“Jason?” In my head, I expected my voice to come out stronger and more put together. In reality, my voice was a whisper and my voice was shaky. I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat, but it wasn’t working. He looked at me and his eyes were bloodshot, his hands were balled up into fists by his side, and his jaw was locked. “Jason?” I asked again, my voice a little stronger – but not by much – than last time.

He sighed heavily, and when he blinked, a tear rolled down his cheeks. “Charlotte,” he mumbled, and that’s all it took for me to run to his side as the tears took over. “Noah… Noah?” he asked me; he needed my confirmation. I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it – to tell him what the doctors already had, so I nodded instead. The slightest nod and he pulled me into bed beside him before circling his arms around my waist and pressing his face into my neck. It was quiet for a split second before he broke down into a panicked cry. My heart – as if it hadn’t shattered enough – broke for him, I hugged him back fiercely and kissed his forehead, my tears rolling down the side of his face, we cried together. And when our tears ran dry, I still sat there, hugging him, trailing my fingers down his shoulder in attempt to soothe him. He lay in my arms for hours, occasionally sniffling. And when I thought he had gotten it out of his system, he looked up at me with glassy eyes.