Examine

ten

ASHLEY

"Do you still like Disney?" Michael asks me at the end of the day.

As always, my body jolts with awareness at the sound of his voice. I smile across at him. "Is that even a question?"

Michael laughs. The sound warms my stomach. 

"Incredibles 2. You. Me. Tonight."

My mouth is answering before I have time to consider my answer, "Hell yeah."

Then my smile falters as I think about whether this is considered a date. I think about how Jack would feel if he knew I was going on movie dates with his brother.

"I've talked to your mum, she agrees that you need to get out more," Michael says, probably recognising my sudden reticence.

I don't correct him.

Mum and Michael are right, I do need to get out more, the hospital and checking in on mum has consumed my whole life. I need a break. If Jack were here, I'd go with him. But the time when I need him most, his support is nowhere to be found.

"You don't need to convince me," I tell Michael. "I'm in."

That night, as I'm getting ready to go to movies I can't decide what to wear. Is there something that doesn't scream that I'm dressing up for a date?

I settle on a t-shirt and shorts, grabbing a puffer jacket before closing the apartment. Michael is idling his car out the front and when I sit in his car his eyes caress me. This small confined space feels too intimate, the air trapped between us and my breath stalls at the sudden tension between us.

I'm the devil.

If I were a good person I wouldn't like Michael like this. I wouldn't find him attractive, I wouldn't want to be surrounded by his presence, I wouldn't be going to the movies with him tonight.

But I need this. I'm starved for attention and normal human interaction without the threat of death or imminent pain over my head.

We chat about our days, the words flowing effortlessly between us, as they always have.

"Do you think the sequel will be as good as the first one?" he asks.

"I hope so." I watch him at ease behind the wheel, his big hands casually resting against the steering wheel. I imagine what those large hands would feel like moving over me, holding my waist and maneuvering me to his liking.

I blink and squash that train of thought. Nothing good will come from fantasising about Michael.

I hurriedly keep speaking, "However, it's very rare for sequels to be better than the first movie."

"There is something special about the first time," he concurs with a cheeky glance in my direction.

"Especially with movies," I agree, ignoring the double entendre. "The novelty of the idea is particularly exciting – like Guardians of the Galaxy."

"But sometimes the sequels are more impressive," Michael points out. "I enjoyed the later Captain America movies much more than the first one."

"I guess it would be pretty depressing if the first movie was always the best. You'd hope that novelty isn't the biggest factor to why we enjoy things."

"Sex is definitely one of those things."

Everything screeches to a halt in my brain. "Huh?"

"It gets better with time. The first time is always exciting, but it's more fun when you know each other's bodies a bit better. When you know what your partner likes, what turns her on, what makes her scream out with pleasure. Also, when she knows what you like and isn't afraid to make you beg for it."