Big Brother

Chapter 6

A/N: Hey my marvelous stars! It's Mixie 💖
I'm so sorry for not uploading yesterday, I know I said I would upload this book every single day but I had a gymnastics meet so the day was pretty hectic. It completely slipped my mind to update and I'm so so sorry for that. Anyways here's chapter 6.

Warning!!!!!
This chapter if "Big Brother" contain self-harm in detail. This chapter can trigger people and also make them feel uncomfortable and depressed. If you get emotional it triggered easily you might not want to read this chapter.
Just so you guys know this book isn't meant to trigger people or make them depressed, it's simply to spread awareness and shine some light on a topic I can relate to.
With that said I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

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Without thinking too much about what Charile said, I went upstairs to find my sister. Because the one thing that did stick with me, what that my sister isn't gay, and Charile kissed her.

I walked into my sister's room to find her crying on her bed. She looked at my and I just sat next to her. I pulled her in for a hug and I could tell from her still body that she was surprised. She quickly relaxed and her head rested in on my shoulder. “I thought you were mad.” She said through sobs.

“Mad?” I asked. “Charile told me the truth. She told me how she kissed you. I'm not mad Cassie. And nither is God. We understand. We know your not gay.”

Her head came off of my shoulder and I gave her a comforting smile. “What?” She wispers to me. “That's not what happened-”

I cut her off, I really don't want to know the details of how that gay fag assaulted my sister. “Your not a gay fagget like Charile, your still on the righteous path of God. It's okay.” My smile grew larger as her eyes grew back to tears.

“What did you just call my friend?” She sounds so offended, so hurt. I'm confused, I thought she would be mad at Charile, I thought we were on the same side.

“She gay, a true sinner of God. The only thing that would made her worse is if she was trans. I mean can you even imagine somebody committing such a sin?”

“How dare you!” She yells at me as she pushed me away from her. “How dare you say something so horrid about a friend of mine!” I can't believe this. I can't believe she's calling that fag her friend after what she did. “What if I was gay? What, what if I was trans? How would you treat me.”

Her question hit me in the gut, why would she ever ask me that? Why would you ever ask such a horrid question. “It doesn't matter Cassie. You are a true believer of God, you would never sin so hard.” I tried to sound as soft and comforting as possible. Though are glossy eyes soon turn to fire.

“Get out!” She yelled at me as she pushed me out of her room. “Get out! Your the sinner! Your the horrible sister! I hate you!” She pushed me out the door and onto the floor. Without a blink she slammed the door and I could hear her cry. I heard her heart break and I can't understand why. All I know is my sister hates me. But why? For following God? For being a true Catholic? Before I knew what I was doing I was crying too. Crying into my knees and I didn't know why. The feeling in my gut is worst pain I could ever feel. It's even wrose because I can't see it, pin point it, but a bandage on it and make it stop. It was inside me. The kinda wound that doesn't have a guarantee of healing, a kind of wound where you never know when the pains going to go away.

I sat there for about five minutes, though it felt like an eternity to me. All I can think about is how much I want the pain to leave. How much I want to feel anything besides this.

I hear the garage door open, and I know it's my brothers is getting home from school. It would be only seconds before they walk through the door and I know they can't hear me crying like this. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom which me my sister and my brothers share. I turn on music, and hope to drain out any cries.

The pain in my gut, my head, my heart, it's too much to bare. I need to feel something else. Anyting else. I looked at my sink, the faint stain of red on the marble. It gives my an idea. A way to feel something other that what I'm feeling right now. To feel something I can see, touch. Something I can control.

I know it sounds crazy, but at this moment, it's the only thing that seems to make sense. I reach into the sink drawer, to my surprise there us already a razer blade at the top. I rap my fingers around it at I look at the terrifying object that rest in my fingers. I ignore the blood stains that are smeared at the edge of the blade, as I bring it to my wrist.

I paused as I heard the laughter of my little brothers downstairs. Though I heard one more sound too. Through the walls of the bathroom and the music blasting over, I hear the small cries of my sister. My stomach did somersaults, and my heart disintegrated into ash.

I brought the blade through my skin. The first rip it hurt like a bitch. Though I dragged it through. When I felt the blade rip open my vein my cries stopped. I finished the cut and I looked at the mark that was filling with blood. The pain hurt, thought it's nothing compared to what I felt before. All the pain in my stomach stopped, it was overpowered by the pain in my arm.

I slid down the wall of my bathroom and I ended up sitting in a corner, still holding the blade to my wrist. I continue to make marks on my arm, long horizontal stripes going down my wrist. I didn't make a sound, I didn't move a muscle in my arm that was being torn apart. I just stare at it, the blood rushing down my wrist and falling onto the tile floor. After seven long horizontal cuts I put the blade down. I stare at my arm and I can't believe what I did.

Tears fall down my cheek and mixed with the blood of my arm, although is still don't make a sound. I turn off the bathroom light off, and I sit there, in the dark. In the lonely darkness of my soul.