Addicted...

Chapter 3

" I see you finally made it princess. Now tell me, did you enjoy it?"

"Ouch!" I hit him upside his head.

"That's for the spiders and burning ice cream. But yes. I did enjoy it so thank you." I giggle as I finish talking. This has been a very interesting morning I must say.

"Hey, at least I warned you. But there is another reason I wanted you to come to me and I know you wouldn't have come outside if I just asked. Anyway, here goes... I'm really sorry princess. You are the first and only person I will ever apologize to. Please forgive me."

His eyes holds mine in a pleading stare but all I could think is if I'm willing to forgive him and have the possibility of being treated like shit again or do I refuse to forgive him and be unhappy while living with him.

I'll take my chances.

"Well it's not much of a real apology, but it's something so thank you."

"Hey Becka, give me your hand quickly."

I give Trystan my hand even though I am confused. He gently takes my hand in his as if I'm fragile. He turns my hand so that my finger tips are facing upwards and he places a warm, tender kiss onto them. I pull my hand back and we sit outside talking and getting to know the platonics of each other until the sunrise reminds us I have to get to work.

***

My shift ends in a few minutes and Trystan once again picks me up from the diner. I'm definitely not complaining, especially not now that we resolved the issue. His car is so beautiful and I'm pretty sure no one except him as the driver has ever had the unique privilege to be seated in this car.

A custom black C6 corvette. His pride and joy. I must say he has amazing taste and his car is very neat for someone who can set up a room full of paintball gun booby traps. I give a small smile at the memory of this morning. I haven't smiled like this in a long time.

We stop at our apartment and get out of the car. I quickly run to my room and get changed into my comfortable underwear and an oversized T-Shirt. I make myself comfortable on my bedroom floor and get busy...

I cut the marijuana up until I'm satisfied. I place it aside while I get out one of my well hidden cigarettes and break it in half. I roll the broken cigarette between my thumb and index finger to get the content out. I mix the weed with the cigarette tobacco.

I finish rolling the joint, grab my lighter and dash out of my room in search of Trystan.

"Hey." Trystan mumble from his sprawled out position on the sofa watching Rick and Morty.

"Hey T. Is there any more junkfood left from yesterday's shopping?"

"There's still some chips and chocolate left. Oh and the oreos I left with the ice cream was fine. I know you would've cut my balls off if I did anything to the oreos that's why I chose the safer option being the ice cream."

"Thanks."

"Why did you want to know?"

"Going outside to smoke this joint!" I exclaim proudly. "You can come too."

I don't need to tell him twice because he immediately jumps up, grabs the food and goes outside with me following straight behind...

"You can't deny that the green pack is so much better!" I'm starting to get irritated. Why can't he just agree? Sour cream and mild chilli is the best Doritos flavour ever introduced to humankind.

"The blue pack is way better. Who doesn't like sweet chilli flavoured Doritos? Who are you?" Trystan exclaims in an exasperated voice.

We are currently debating on which Doritos flavour is the best. I don't like losing and he likes winning so this argument can go on for a long time. And I'm pretty sure that he would die before giving up on the blue pack.

"Just give me the joint!"

We each take a last smoke before disposing the blunt. We lie down on the ground and stare at the sunset. Trystan subconsciously takes my hand again and turn it again just like before, fingertips up. He places a tender kiss on my fingertips again and I don't question it. It seems as if he is lost in thought.

Trystan quickly recovers and snap back to reality and chew some of the Doritos we brought outside earlier.

"You know, sunsets are proof that endings are beautiful too." Trystan catches me off guard but he continues eating as if he didn't just say something.

"No. That's where everyone is wrong. So terribly wrong. No ending is beautiful. That's just a lie. And it's shitty quotes like that that fabricates ideas in the minds of broken people that ending their life is beautiful. Or simply ending a friendship. Those are the hardest fucking things to do. Ever! But anything will be believed by someone who doesn't want a sad ending anymore."

"I hear you Princess, let's go inside."

***
I don't think I would ever be able to explain how it feels to be mistreated. To not be in control. To know someone else is your commander. The complete feeling of being lost and hurt never washes away. No matter how hard or how long you try scrubbing yourself clean in the shower. It never ever leaves.

The way Trystan spoke to me when we met, I can't explain the way it makes me feel. Uneasy and out of control. Helpless, lonely. Fucking frustrated. It never goes away but I can make it stop temporarily.

No one will ever have power over me again!

My thoughts are busier than ever so I decide to dance with death...

One cut here,

One cut there.

No one will see,

No one will care.

I drag the cold stainless steel blade across my ankle. No relief washes over me so I press the blade deeper into the soft, silky skin of my thigh. Then my abdomen. Then under my left breast.

Well it stings and burns a little but no relief.

I dig the sharp little object into my wrist and I do so over and over again until my much needed relief comes.

I lie still in my bed knowing that if I die, at least I am in control...

***

I wake up with an immense headache and the sound of breaking glass.

Fuck that, it's not my problem.

I get up and change my bloody bedsheets. While they're in the washing machine I take a shower so I can take care of my cuts.

I finish washing my hair and myself but as I get dressed I see the shower floor is purple. What the fuck! What the fuck! I should have known. I'm too scared to look in the mirror, but as soon as I do I regret it. My hair looks horrific. He's going to fucking die today!

"Trystan!"