Addicted...

Chapter 33

It has been exactly one hour, thirty minutes and twelve seconds since Trystan received the gut wrenching phonecall that declared Gemma deceased.

It's been exactly nine minutes and thirty seconds since we arrived at the mortuary to confirm it is in fact Gemma Claire Stuart.

It's been exactly twenty minutes and forty five seconds since Trystan stopped talking to me completely.

Not one single word. Nothing. I don't know whether it should worry me or if it should calm me because he's processing such a big loss in a very respectable way.

The old Trystan would have already broken something. I know that because one time I was standing in the kitchen while he came in in a drunk induced state and he got mad at me for making a mess while I was baking pancakes. I spilled a little bit of flour on the floor and counter top.

He got so angry he threw the plate against the wall...

Personal growth helped Trystan a lot in the past few months and I'm so grateful to be a part of his life.

His silence right now makes me think it's his growth through pain and I'm really proud of how he's handling things...

Either that or it's the silence before the storm, which I really hope it's not.

We drive in silence back to the apartment but I get the eerie feeling something bad is about to happen. I just know that a bomb is about to blow up and I hope and pray it's not Trystan. I don't think I'll survive losing him a second time.

When he disappeared for two months, he took a little bit of my sanity with him. When he was gone, I cut myself the most I ever cut in my life. Even more than when mom died...

I never really learned how to just like something. I always let it consume me. I let it engulf me fully. I allow it to take over my body to the point it becomes unhealthy for me.

"Trystan?"

No answer.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything." I whisper so lowly under my breath I doubt he heard.

"What do you want Rebecka?" It's been so long since I heard him use my full name.

Once while I was tidying up the apartment before going to take a shower, he came out of his room so silently I barely heard him. He startled me by pulling my butt shorts down while I was bending to vacuum. He screamed my full name and said ass creeping pants are forbidden to be worn in the apartment and if I had a problem with that I could fuck out of his house.

"I just wanted to tell you I don't feel all that great, I think something bad is going to happen. I'm sorry, it's probably nothing."

My eyes start to well up with tears because something bad already happened and it's unfair of me to make him worry about something else.

I just don't deal with grief like other people. I am used to it. I've lost so many people that it doesn't get to me that much anymore. It doesn't make it hurt less, but I make myself feel less.

I drive in silence the rest of the way to the apartment, careful not to upset Trystan further. It hurts me to see him in such a state. I wish I could take his pain away.

I love him. Oh fuck. I love him.

A smile starts breaking out across my face but as quickly as it came, I make it disappear.

I pull up in front of the apartment block but the parking spaces aren't empty as it always is this time of day.

I remember one time when I moved in with Trystan for the first time. I had to go to the diner really early to open, but when I got home at three o'clock the parking spaces were empty and I thought it was the wrong building. I walked around for twenty minutes trying to figure out where the apartment was.

"Trystan, I think something is about to happen. The parking is usually empty. Please, I'm not going crazy. Can we call the police or something, I think it might be Henry."

"Rebecka, just calm the fuck down! Don't cry I don't have time for that shit. Drive around the block so I can call the police."

I know Trystan is hurting right now, but he's being the biggest asshole roght now and I want to strangle him until his eyes pop out.

I guess that's exactly what love is supposed to feel like. You love the other person so much and want to protect them with all your might, but you want to kill them at the same time. It's someone to share all the highs and lows of life with and I would gladly do it with Trystan. If he wasn't being such a bitch right now.

I roll my eyes and park the car a few blocks away from the apartment building so Trystan can call the police.

"Loud speaker," I mouth to Trystan.

"Hello Sir, what is your emergency?"

"Hi Mam, there seems to be an unknown vehicle in front of our apartment building which is concerning because a few days ago someone broke into my apartment and assaulted me and my girlfriend. I have a few broken ribs and she is badly bruised. We think this might be the same person and she got a restraining order against the man, so I was just wondering if there might be a chance that an officer could just come have a look without sirens or a lot of people. Please Mam, if it's the same person our lives may be in danger."

"Alright Sir, please remain calm, where are you at the moment?"

"We're parked a few blocks down from my apartment, we saw a strange vehicle in front of our door which might belong to the man I just told you about."

"Alright sir, backup is on the way. Stay right where you are and just stay calm."

A few minutes after Trystan ended the call with the call operator he turns to me.

Trystan stares at me with affectionate eyes but his words burn me and I know that I won't ever be able to leave this, or forget us or get out unscathed.

"You know what Rebecka? All you've done since you moved in was make my life more difficult. I have broken ribs and a shitload of pills I have to drink because your stepfather shot me. And I can't even say you make my life harder and not my dick because you make my dick hard as well. The worst part is how I don't blame you for any of this. I don't think any of it is your fault, but the best part is that I'm so angry that I can't find any more reasons to hate you."

I stay quiet and let Trystan go through his emotions and lay himself bare to me. I understand that he is frustrated and hurt and I can't make him feel better so I sit in silence until he figures his emotions out.

"I try my hardest to open my house to you but all you did was wreck my home. You wrecked me. And it's so fucking ironic how I've never had a home until I realized it's not a place, it's a person. I think it's y..." Trystan goes quiet all of a sudden and stops himself from saying anything else.

I sit in silence and just stare out of the windshield of Trystan's car. I know if he wanted me to say something he would've already asked. So I give him space to work through his phases. He'll come back to me eventually, he just gets quiet sometimes...