Addicted...

Chapter 29

I finally come to an abrupt stop when my lungs start screaming for air and my throat tickles to let me know I  need water. I don't know where to go or what to do. I just think that maybe I should stop running. Henry is just inevitably going to find me and I'll have to go through all of this again. And I'm so fucking tired!

I realize I'm standing in front of the local cemetery so I turn to leave but I feel a strange connection to the place so I turn back around and enter the small gate on the right.

A slight gush of wind tugs at my hair and all I can hear is the rustling of dry leaves. My nose starts burning from the smell of soil and dying flowers. I swear I can taste the bitterness of loss at the back of my throat. A tear stings my cheek at the thought of almost losing Trystan.

I'm thankful that he's alive, and awake. I knew he drew that picture because of his signature. Gemma didn't even have to tell me in order for me to know. Trystan has broken ribs, a broken arm and just woke up from a coma but he drew a picture of me kissing his head.

Does that mean he heard me?

I walk around in the cemetery for a while before sitting down on someone's grave to contemplate.

"Hi, Martha Storm. Beloved mother, sister and friend. This epitaph bullshit is really pissing me off you know. Is that even what you wanted your tomb to say? It's ridiculous, am I right? But not as weird as me talking to myself on your grave about you..." I chuckle lightly when I finish talking.

"Tell me Martha. What do you think I should do? Should I go so I can keep everyone safe? To keep Trystan safe? I mean I want to stay, I want to live here, maybe even live him. I want to persue my dreams but I don't want to put anyone else in danger. Do you know when my Mommy overdosed I kissed her on her head and I never looked back after leaving. But after kissing Trystan on his head I couldn't bring myself to go. I felt obliged to stay. He's not dead but he could've been because of me and my past."

I untie my ponytail and let my hair hang loose. I lie down in my back and watch the clouds.

"You know Martha, it's kind of sad to think that I'd never had a home. Not even a house mostly. I've lived on the streets for a good portion of time and when I moved in with Trystan he fucking yelled at me. I got so pissed, but I was greatful to have a place to sleep, maybe that's why I forgave him that easily... Even though I knew it would be temporary, I didn't know I'd be so overwhelmed by almost losing Trystan. You probably have no idea who the fuck I am or what the fuck I'm talking about but to be honest all of the people in their graves must be thinking I'm fucking insane. I just wish you could actually hear me. I could used a beloved mother's guidance and advice right now."

I start sobbing and as the tears roll down my cheeks I feel more droplets cover my face. Since when does tears come from eyebrows?

I look up only to see a storm cloud gathering. What? It was clear skies just a minute ago! Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I start freaking out because I have nowhere to go. I start running again and not long after leaving the cemetery I end up at the apartment again. Gemma left the door open with a note on it saying I deserve to stay there and I should cut myself some slack and rest. So I try doing just that. Resting.

Gemma laid out a blanket on the couch for me with some pillows and a few snacks. She knew I'd come back? I love her so much, she really is a great friend. I thought she was quiet but she's not, she's everything in one. Loud, crazy, weird, enigmatic, charming and lovable. Gemma has a heart of gold.

I drift off to a light slumber but I can't fully shut down to sleep. 

My nightmare starts with me endlessly running towards Trystan but every time I reach him he drifts further and further away. I eventually catch him just to see that it isn't Trystan, it's Henry. Trystan looks like himself but he's not. I try running away but I only end up running through doors leading to a hospital room where Henry is tied up to medical equipment. But Henry isn't himself, he's Trystan. Trystan is hovering over Henry with a gun pointed to his face and as soon as I enter the gun turns to me and shoots.

Fuck. I wake up in a cold sweat with tears indicating that I am about to have a panic attack. I start doing the breathing exercises while putting on shoes to go to Trystan. I need to see him and I need to know he's not like Henry. I need to know if he's really okay.

Would he even want to see me?

I walk in the cold and rain towards the hospital. I contemplate if I should enter or not. As soon as my nightmare replays in my mind I enter the building and ask a room number. My clothes are soaking from the rain and drips everywhere I walk. I don't know what feels heavier as I approach the room, my heart, clothes or feet?

"Hey, Trystan..."