Addicted...

Chapter 28

(This is once again Becka's pov, and there will be no more pov changes. Enjoy the chapter!)

*Hey Becka, it's Gem! Please meet me at your apartment in half an hour, I need to give you something.*

I contemplate saying no, but I couldn't do that to Gemma. I need to properly say goodbye. I couldn't get myself to say goodbye to Trystan because I can't face the fact that I'm leaving behind the very soul who saw the darkness of mine.

Fuck Henry. I hope he dies and goes to hell so Satan can make Henry his bitch. The scum of this planet is measured by the very existence of Henry. Fuck him. Fuck all of this.

I don't want to run but I can't stay.

The tears stream down my face and that's enough to make me tell the cab driver to turn around. I can't stay, I know that much, but I don't want to leave without mourning the loss of my possible love.

*Be there in fifteen or I'm leaving.* I reply to Gemma.

I take the time to wipe my face clean of tears before I start having my break down in the cab. Breathe Becka.

Breathe.

You're still here, you're still fighting, you have a say whether you want to die or not. Breathe.

I take one last breath before climbing out of the cab and going into the apartment building. I left my key inside before I closed the door to lock itself and I didn't see Gemma's car. I'm locked out so I put my backpack flat on the ground and sit down next to it.

"Becka?" Gemma's voice sounds like a mere whisper uttering my name.

"Hi, Gemma." My voice cracks.

Gemma wipes away at her smeared makeup and glossy cheeks. She jogs towards me and engulf me into the tightest embrace she can muster. My body starts shaking violently and Gemma's tears start soaking my jersey.

We stand silently embracing each other until Gemma pulls away to unlock the door. She must have visited Trystan. That thought alone scares me shitless. What if he told her to tell me I'm a fuck up just like my mom and stepfather? What if she's going to tell me I'm horrifically fucked up for allowing Trystan to get hurt?

"Gemma, I swear i didn't mean for Trystan to get hurt. I never meant for him to get hurt. I promise. I'm so sorry."

" It's fine Beck! Listen to me. It wasn't you holding that gun. You didn't hurt Trystan." Gemma grabs me by the shoulders and gently shakes me while talking.

"I need to give you something before you go, Becka. Trystan woke up two days ago and started screaming for you. Asking doctors why you left, why you didn't stay after begging him not to leave you. He woke up in tears telling everyone how real your kiss felt against his hair but he couldn't stop you from leaving. And I might not know a goddamned thing about your past, but I swear to you Trystan sees the real you." Gemma has tears staining her perfect facial features but her words are what cues my own emotions.

Gemma takes my hand in hers and leads me down the familiar hallway towards Trystan's room. She opens the door with his key and starts aiming towards his cupboard doors. I stay in the doorway respecting Trystan's privacy because I don't live here anymore. I need to keep reminding myself of that. I have to go!

"Becka, come closer. I need to give you this. And if you ever tell Trystan we were in here I will kill you. But for now I need to show you something."

I walk closer to Gemma and as I approach the cupboard doors there are multiple images of myself covering the insides. Sketches in black and white of myself lining his personal space. My plain, boring face captured in something so realisticly captivating.

Me dancing, me trying on sunglasses at the flea market. My naked, scarred body and bright eyes. Me sleeping. Me covered in bubbles inside the bathtub with a bottle wine.

What is this?

Gemma takes a piece of adhesive and pastes a new picture at the very top of the cupboard door.

Trystan in his coma with me kissing his head while a single tear rolls down his cheek.

"They're his. He drew all of them." Gemma whispers from behind me. I'm too afraid to turn around, scared that I'm dreaming because this feels surreal.

Breathe, Becka, breathe!

Why can't you fucking breathe?

I fall down to my knees, crying whilst struggling to take in enough air. My breaths come out as short pants. Gemma sits down besides me and pull my body to hers. She opens her legs, sits me down between them and lies my head on her chest. She slowly rocks my body back and forth while keeping her hold on my body tight enough so I don't shake as much. I slowly start to breathe in again.

I need to leave. I need to leave. He doesn't love me. He hates me. No one will ever love me. Henry told me I'm useless. No one wants me. My mom didn't want me either that is why she overdosed. I can't love Trystan, he hates me.

I break free of Gemma's embrace and run. I don't look back, I just run. I get away from that smothering apartment and from myself on the sketches. I run from Henry, Trystan, Gemma, my mom and myself. I run from the voice telling me I need a blade and I run from the overwhelming emotions I have for Trystan.

I can't stay!