Addicted...

Chapter 21

Trystan cleans himself up while I walk out of the bathroom like nothing happened. I ignore the wetness between my legs, maybe if I ignore it hard enough I can ignore the fact that Trystan is the only person that has made me come undone like I just did. None of my experiences made me feel this good from just a tug of my hair.

What is he doing to me? It's so frustrating to know that he is breaking my walls down and I can't do anything to stop it. Maybe I can find another apartment? That isn't even an option, because I barely pay rent while living with Trystan and if I live on my own I have to get more money than the diner is paying me.

Tomorrow we're going back home. Well I can't call it home. I've never stayed in one place for more than six months and I doubt this time will be different. He will find me, he always does and I can't risk Trystan's life. I'd rather break Trystan's heart than have that piece of shit kill him. That's why I have to move. I can't allow Trystan to break my walls down.

In this moment I'm actually more scared of Trystan making me vulnerable than being found.

I just hope that one day when I leave that Trystan will be able to forgive me.

With a tear stained pillow I allow my body to relax until sleep overwhelms me. Just as I'm about to fall asleep Trystan's body slides down next to mine and he pulls me to his chest. I feel him taking my hand in his and gently kissing my fingertips. I wish I can fall asleep like this forever...

***

"No! No please just leave us alone. I won't do it again. I promise. No!"

I sit up straight and wipe the sweat from my forehead. When will my nightmares stop?

"Becka. Princess, are you okay. What happened?" Trystan gently coax me while trying to touch my arm. My whole body is rigid and tense. 

"Becka you have to speak to me. I'm here. You're alright, it was just a nightmare." Trystan continues to speak in hushed tones even though we're the only people in this motel room.

Slowly but surely I turn around to look at Trystan's glossy eyes. Is he crying? I gather all my strength and launch myself into his awaiting arms. I allow myself to hug him. Not because of how hurt he got in my nightmare because of me, instead I hug him because I trust him enough with my heart and past. When I'd be able to tell him, I don't know, but for now I'm content.

I know that moving, this time, is going to be much harder than any previous move I made. I just hope that he understands that because he knows too much I have to protect him. And the only way I know how is by leaving. Just a few more months so I can save some money. It'll beike we never even met.

I fall asleep with all these burdens weighing my chest down as I make myself comfortable on Trystan's chest. Taking a deep breath, inhaling my new favourite scent, I realise... Maybe falling asleep lately isn't the only falling I've been doing?