Every Breath You Take [RDJ Fanfic] - COMPLETED

Seventy Five

The sex...Lord, the sex has my head in the clouds.

He's delicate in the shower.  His hands don't grab, they massage.  His kisses are slow and intimate and the way he holds me is nothing like my memories from the past few years.  He's giving; his arm holds me upright as his other hand touches me gently, down between us until I'm falling against him, panting into his ear.  His whispers into my ear, encouraging me to let go for him, push me to the edge faster than anything.  And then he's turning off the water, pulling back the curtain, and carrying me to bed, not caring if either of us are soaked.

His lips find my skin, kissing fire down my collar bone.  He sucks slightly at every spot he reaches, drawing it out and making me whine through my heavy breaths.  There's no words, just kisses, the sloppy squeak of them loud in the quiet room.  He pauses when he reaches my lower stomach, going to reach for his bag for protection, and that...that is my dumb decision number one. 

I guess the look is enough, because he swallows, studying me briefly before giving up his search and climbing back up, looking at my with nervous, narrowed eyes.  He presses briefly against me to wet himself, making me bite my lip, but my eyes don't leave his.  He's trying to read me, I can tell, but my heart's going nuts right now and I can't find words.  We had that brief encounter before, at his house months ago, where I let him go without, but it wasn't...it isn't the same.  It isn't the same as the importance of this, of tonight, of how much care he's throwing at me.  This is me wanting to be connected.  This is me wanting his touch, no barriers, nothing but him and me.

"Are you-" he finally tries, but I place a finger on his lips before he can finish asking, nodding slightly before guiding him back down to me.

And there's a content sigh into my kiss when I bring him back in, and then he's slowly guiding himself in and it's different, and intimate, and perfect.  He's gentle, he's slow and focused, and he doesn't unlock from my kiss the entire time he's moving with me.  He's watching himself, I can tell, and that's okay.  But he's also making sure I'm cared for, making sure I'm protected, just like he promised, and his one arm scoops under me, holding my body up against him, arching into his mold.

The longer he lasts, the more sloppy his kisses become, until he's nearly panting in between each one, breathing into my mouth more than kissing back, and then he's shuddering, quickly pulling himself out and reaching a hand down to catch himself, careful not to make a mess.  His head lowers to rest on my chest as I hold onto his shoulders, soothing him.  My heart's full, beating wildly at this new closeness...this new memory for me to rewrite the pain with.

It's chilly when he leaves to clean up, so I settle myself under the covers, watching him slide into bed with me when he returns.  He pulls me into his side and sighs, and I hug his torso while I wrap my legs around his and take a deep breath.

"So..." he offers, apparently still in disbelief. 

"I just wanted to be close to you..." I whisper.

But he doesn't push on it.  "How are you feeling?" he asks instead.

I exhale, snuggling closer, and realize I'm perfect.  "Safe," I admit, quietly and on a breath.  "Thank you..."

"For?"

"Being here...loving me.  Even after I elbowed you in the face."

"Yeah, you know what," he laughs, shifting under me, "maybe you should sleep on that side of the bed so I can still go on camera."

It only makes me hold on tighter, and he giggles, rubbing up and down my arm as he settles back into the pillows with me.   And for once...I'm not afraid.  I mean, I'm definitely not going back to bed right now, even if I'm tired, but I'm not panicking...or really even thinking about what day it is.  No, I'm thinking instead about...earlier.  Like, dinner earlier.