Every Breath You Take [RDJ Fanfic] - COMPLETED

Fifty Five

I'd be lying if I said I haven't been face down in my pillow for the past two and a half days. There's no motivation for me to move...no need to do anything.  I came home and crashed, landing in the bed I'm in now, and let the tears loose.

Well, let me back up. 

To make matters worse, I stumble in on Devin having...a date.  Ha, you thought I was gonna say sex, right?  Nope. 

Okay, sorry, just need a little humor...because it just makes things more awkward, more weird to walk in and have to instantly compose myself.

It's the guy that she was talking to at the baseball game, who I guess she's been talking to despite us being on the east coast most of the last month.  They're having dinner at the table, and both look up when I walk through the front door of this stupid house that that stupid man bought...ugh.  I knew I should've said no.

"Rach, you're home early..." Devin says quietly, standing and mouthing an apology to her guy before moving over to the kitchen where I'm setting down my bag and phone.  "I thought you were staying at Downey's, so I invited Ezra over and..."

"Change of plans," I whisper, deliberately hiding my face from her.  "I'll stay out of your way.  Goodnight..."

And with that I move to grab Aero, who's sleeping on the couch, and make for the stairs, up to the second floor where my brightly lit bedroom stands with the big windows he made sure this place has after how stunned I've been in all of his homes.  Right.  Another reminder.

And yet another one when I set my cat gently on the bed and he curls back up into a ball, too sleepy to care that I've moved him, and my eyes settle on that annoying Iron Man poster on the wall.  So I let my emotions out, now in private and not on the road behind the wheel...and take it off the hanger, dropping it on the floor.  The glass frame cracks before it falls face down with a thud and my cheeks start to stain with tears in my eyes.

Fuck this.  Fuck him.  The man I was idolizing for years and years and years, and I got too close to him...got an unthinkable chance...and now I can't stand him.  I ruined him for me, ruined the thing that made me happy, before and after I met him.  And that kills.  That makes my heart hurt, my chest sting, and my eyes blurry as I break down and sink down to the floor on my knees in a silent scream, not wanting to alert Devin or...Ezra, or whatever she said his name is.  Some first impression, huh?

"Rach?"

Her voice sounds before a light knock and the door opens, allowing her to slip in. Of course she followed me in....  So I dry my tears with my shirt as quickly as I can, clearing my throat to face her, but her hand's on my shoulder before I can react, and I feel her presence crouching down next to me.

"Wanna talk about it?" she asks lightly, reminding me of a mother speaking with her child.

But I don't want to.  No, I want to scream, to yell, to cry, to hate him, to call him, to do a lot of things.  I want to run, to jump into the ocean.  To drive for as long as I can before I need to sleep.  Anything but think about this.  Because I know I'm being dramatic, immature, even, but sometimes you just can't overcome your emotions, you know?  And love...God, you know my history with love, so this isn't something I can handle well.

"All right," she sighs, squeezing my shoulder lightly.  "We don't have to talk.  But how about a shower and then we'll get you into bed and you can fill me in in the morning?"

I nod silently and do just that, still avoiding showing her my face, and next thing I know, I feel her climb onto my mattress behind me, over the comforter as I face away from her and quietly wet my pillow.  She doesn't speak, she just hugs me and waits for my to fall asleep.